Mixed Feelings

Check out the trailer/teaser for Disney's The Princess and the Frog. It's Disney's first cartoon with an African American heroine/main character. I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt and ignore the obligatory "buffoon" toothless, ebonics speaking firefly. HHMMM. (Raised eyebrow)

Friday Night Video

Not much to say (believe it!), just used to like this song.

More Wasted Advertising Dollars

For Real? I have watched this commercial (I use this term loosely) a couple times and it's taken me that long to figure out what product they are trying to sell. Leonardo has entirely too many things going on to effectively sell his product.

*The graphics are over the top and distracting - with the picture in picture, scrolling, light
effects I can barely tell what's going on

*Then Leo had to go and enlist The Greater Faith of Redemption in Our Lord Jesus Christ
Baptist Church to come up with a jingle. There is a time and a place for Holy Ghost shoutin' and
a television commercial is not it

*And don't get me started on the Damien child that pops in to view at the end of the
commercial. BLINK CHILD BLINK I don't even know what she says because I am paralyzed by
her stare. "Buy Leo's Hair Care" "Buy Leo's Hair Care"

How You Doin'?

Yesterday afternoon’s plan was for me to meet Heather Locklear on the city bus that would take us to her house, and from there we’d get her car and then run to MOA-sister time-AAAAAWWWWWWW. When I arrived at the bus stop I started my usual “bus routine” – get out my mp3, maybe my book, make sure my wallet is still in my purse, apply some lip shine and make sure my glasses are streak free. Mid-routine, I look up as a woman approaches the stop. What I immediately notice is the seductive way the woman looks me up and down; her eyes seeming to linger on each section of my body from my legs, to my hips, to my chest, and finally my face. So, she sits down, still staring at me with her light brown contacts, pokes her glossy lips out and says ”Can I ask you a question?”. I don’t know why but I was immediately a little nervous. Maybe it was the way her eyes felt like fingers crawling along my skin. I backed up a little and responded, “uh I guess”. She rubbed her hand along her thigh and said “Are you bi-sexual?” Whoa Sista!
Did she just ask me what I think she asked? WTH! “No.” Persistent chick that she proved to be, she then asked, “Haven’t you ever fantasized about being with a woman? Aren’t you curious?” I’m sure (I hope) my face was poker straight, while my “in my head voice” was screaming at the top of its lungs, when I responded “Not even bi-curious.” I then immediately moved further away and put my earphones in and stuck my face in my book. The problem was I could still feel her eyes crawling over every exposed part of my body. Above my book I saw her waving her hands back and forth trying to get my attention. “What now?” I thought to myself? “Is she gonna ask me to go behind the bus shelter?”
“You got more gum?” she says. I pull out a piece and reach to hand it to her but then thoughts of her rubbing my hand as she takes the gum flash into my head. I hold the gum by the tippy end and quickly slip it between her fingers. Music back on, I take up my spot on the other side of the shelter. Soon other people join us at the stop and I begin to relax a bit.

“The son’s” response when I told him about my encounter was “She was bold. Was she cute?” Did he think I shoulda invited her home? What?

I'm just saying...

Next time you and your man step out for the weekend why not step outside the box and get him a fuchsia suit, shoes and shirt? NOT! This was the exact same color of my prom dress - back in 1989. Ice T you need to pass go and go directly to jail for trying to pull this off and CoCo needs to be pimp slapped for allowing her man (pimp) out looking like this.

Bottoms Up!

I am a true believer in the wonderfully relaxing effects that alcohol can sometimes bring. I now completely understand when people say, “I need a drink”. Contrary to what Heather Locklear or “the old man” may think I am not an alcoholic – at least not yet. All that to say that I have discovered yet another spirit that I love.


It all started last Friday. I had just worked a 14 hour day, “the son” was in Sacramento and I was feeling the need for something stronger than the Lemonade Kool-Aid I had in the fridge at home. As soon as I left my second job I headed right across the street to the Liquor Store. Unfortunately, they did not have the Dailys (http://lbrlvr.blogspot.com/2008/06/whats-up.html) I was looking for. So, it was back to wander the aisles. HHHMMMM. I already had vodka and long island ice tea at home. I don’t drink beer or wine. That’s when I remembered that one time one of my “ghetto girls” (as the old man calls my fav buddies), this time it was Peg Bundy, brought some Arbor Mist to one of our gatherings. While, I don’t usually like wine I remembered that I did like Arbor Mist because it was a lot sweeter and fruity. So, I grabbed a bottle of the Island Fruits Pinot Grigio. Once I made it home I tuned the television to Channel 9 to catch TMZ, put my beverage in the freezer, put some mini tater tots in the oven and turned on the shower. After my shower I put on my new pjs, seasoned my tots, got my big glass of Arbor Mist (AM) and sat down on the couch. After a few sips (gulps) of AM, a couple of handfuls of tots and ½ hour of TMZ (http://www.tmz.com/) it dawned on me what I must look like. I had flashes of Monday morning at work...


Co-worker: “Jacke what did you do this weekend?”
Me: “Oh, I had a night in. I watched TMZ, ate some tater tots and drank a bottle of Arbor Mist in my new pjs.”
Co-worker: With raised eye brow, “Oh that’s nice.”



Needless to say that didn’t slow me down, I could always just say that after working 14 hours, I volunteered by handing out sandwiches to run aways, ironed all my clothes for the coming week, rode my bicycle 16 miles and built a Habitat for Humanity home. (Yeah, that’s the ticket) On the positive side I didn’t completely finish off the entire bottle – there was enough for a couple of glasses left!

Anyways I wasn't as bad as Dr. Steve Brule (http://stevebrule.blogspot.com/). If you've never checked out Dr Steve, Jan and Wayne Skylar, you've got to watch this! It'll have you rolling in the aisles!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Island Fruits Pinot Grigio
This combination of crisp Pinot Grigio and exotic fruits like Japanese plum, citrus fruits and other flavors is a taste of island paradise—right at home. Just chill and enjoy.








Ore-Ida® Mini Tater Tots®
Don’t let the size fool you! Smaller than our original Tater Tots®, these tiny shredded potatoes pack a big potato taste. Available in 28oz.

HHHMMMM!!!!????

Do you ever run across things that just stop you in your tracks? Remember how Arsenio Hall (you know you used to watch Arsenio. I remember staying up late at night talking to my high school sweetheart on the down low - ‘cause my mama thought I was sleep – and watching Arsenio) used to always say “things that make you go HHHMMMM! There was even an entire song about it - C+C Music Factory (I know you remember them too). Anyways, the other day Heather Locklear and I made a quick trip to The Sal Val (Salvation Army) to check for any deals. The Sal Val is actually where Target sends their samples, so it is all Target merchandise for a fairly inexpensive price. So, things are going smoothly, I’ve picked up a dress for myself and some tee’s for “the son” when I am struck with my HHHHHMMMMM or better stated “WTH” moment. On the rack before me I spied this dress….

Again my low pixel camera (phone) does not give a complete representation of the dress. Let me explain…its purple crushed velvet, longed sleeved, empire waist, with 3 rose shaped with green leaf crushed velvet appliqués. You follow? The dress itself, while pretty bad could work for someone. To each his/her own. We all have our individual styles. What stopped me was the price. Most clothing items at the Sal Val are about $4. The dress I picked out for myself was $7. The tag on this dress read $20. WTH! Either I’m missing the next fashion “Do” or the person doing the pricing in the back had a momentary brain lapse. So be on the lookout for the Fall Fashion Trend – purple crushed velvet.

YUMMY!

Got the craving for some neckbones this weekend! YUMMY! So, this yesterday, I cooked some neckbones and gravy, mac and cheese, black eyed peas, greens and cornbread! YUMMY! I'm eating leftovers right now and MMMMM MMMMM! It's so good! (But why am I trying to suck on these neckbones without making all kinda noise! Make a shame!) Now all I need is some Kool-Aid. Wait, I think I have some in my drawer. Heather Locklear came over and helped me eat some. But then she pulled a BM (Bitch move) by filling her belly and then leaving!







Ta da!

SOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUULLLLL TRAIN!

I have been battling a bit of insomnia for the last week or so. I’ve been waking up most nights at around 3am. Well, on Friday night/Saturday morning I woke up at around 1am. (It could be that I self medicated with Arbor Mist (don’t ask) instead of my usual Nyquil. SHUT IT Heather Locklear!) Anyways, low and behold guess what was on TV. Soul Train! It was an episode from the 70’s with Special Guests Al Green and the Stylistics. WOW! I was lying in my bed reminiscing about the “good ol’ days”! It totally made me think about my mom. I remember when we were little and she would get dressed up to go out with her girlfriends. They used to go to the Riverview or The Nacirema (American backwards, who thought of that?) or Cassus. But it brought to mind, images of cool people out dancing and looking chic. I couldn't’t wait to grow up so I could get dressed up and go out with my girlfriends too.

Anyways, here’s a clip of the Soul Train Line. I got a kick out of some of their outfits and hairstyles.


And in case that wasn’t enough!

For the last few years I have refused to walk through the grass – especially in the morning – without first closely inspecting it. I’m not looking for landmines or “Littles” (remember that cartoon? “We are the Littles. We’re living with you don’t you know…”) I loved that cartoon.

But I digress. I am looking for Grass Spiders. (WARNING: Viewing this link may have you scratching and itching for the rest of the day http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grass_spider) In case, you couldn't’t muster up the courage to open the link, these buggers build webs with a funnel at one end on top of the grass. I discovered the little bastards a few years ago. Every morning my bus passes by Lake Calhoun. If I sit on the left hand side of the bus then I get the spectacular view of the lake, the sun shining off its surface. It brings a smile to my face every morning. If I sit on the right hand side of the bus, I get a view of Lakewood Cemetery (I totally want to walk through that cemetery one day. They have the biggest, most ornate looking tombstones-like works of art) and the Trolley tracks. On most mornings the sun shines just so on the rocks and grass that border the tracks. And that’s when you can see them; rows of spider webs that line the tracks. One after the other of hundreds of webs. EEEWWW! Unfortunately for those unaware of their presence, they have no idea that they are stepping on, over and around hundreds of little fast moving creepy crawlies. This morning when I passed the section of tracks there was a couple walking along the tracks (with sandals on). A shiver traveled through my body. It took all my will to remain composed and not open the window and scream “Get off the grass! (I swear I’m gonna be the old lady sitting on the porch yelling at the kids to “get off the grass”, but it’s not going to be an attempt to save the integrity of the grass, rather I’ll be protecting them from the eight legged devils trying to bite their feet or leap on to their legs!)

And be careful of bushes too! There is a colony of them that have taken up residence in a bush by my bus stop. Sorry for my crappy low pixel camera (yet another reason to get a new cell phone)– this picture does not give a clear picture of the freak factor that this bush provides. It is COVERED – top to bottom – in webs. (Notice how, unless the sun hits them just right then you can hardly see them.) It's like freakin' Arachnophobia. Upon closer inspection, you can see all of them sitting in their funnels just watching. I’ve had devilish thoughts of getting some bug spray and going and dousing the bush, but can you imagine what the exodus would be like? Hundreds of spiders flowing out of the bush! ICK!! So, I dropped that plan and just walk next to the street when I pass the bush!

Watch your feet!

(Grass Spider)
Sorry, I just had to share a picture. I know that was cruel! But you know I can be a little devil sometimes. Besides, I can’t be the only one freaked out and feeling their legs on my skin all day!

Dedicated to Heather Locklear!

This is dedicated to Heather Locklear. During our youth while I was salivating over Lionel and El DeBarge, my twin had been struck by the Latino bug and was infatuated with Menudo and Julio Iglesias. If you were to walk into the room we shared, you could easily distinguish her side of the room from mine. My walls were plastered with pictures (from Right On Magazine) and Lionel, The Commodores and Debarge and hers with Menudo and Julio (Tiger Beat – well the Menudo pictures anyways, I’m not sure where she found pictures of Julio). For those of you that don’t know Menudo was (and I guess still are b/c they have resurfaced- I think I threw up a little bit-I got Heather Locklear their new single for Christmas last year) a group of pre-pubescent boys that were cycled in and out of the group based on their age. They had to give up their spot in the group when they hit the ripe old age of 16. Ricky Martin – remember him, “Livin’ La Vide Loca”? – was a member of Menudo and is also in this video (pink shirt).

Happy reminiscing Heather Locklear!

Heather Locklear LOVED Robbie Rosa (he’s the main guy singing). Can you tell me why the girl in the video is like 30 years old?

HOLD ME - Menudo

I'm just saying...

This week I ran across separate pictures of what used to be beautiful women. These two have forgotten their roots and bowed to the pressure of either trying to maintain their youthful appearance (although that's not quite what they looked like when they first hit the scene) or Hollyweird's standards of beauty (again, is this what beautiful looks like?? I think not!). Obviously, mama or daddy didn't instill in them the true magnificence of their black beauty. I'm actually looking forward to getting older because I know given my heritage I'm gonna remain a knockout (thanks Tene, Renee. Lucille and Lillian!) The unfortunate thing is that once you start playing around with what God created you can' get it back.

BEFORE - Vivica A Fox

AFTER


BEFORE - Lil Kim


AFTER

(I tried to find pre-surgery pictures, but let me tell you that out of the hundreds of images of these two, there are a very limited amount of older pictures. As I was searching, I really began to wonder if they hire someone to search the web and delete/remove older pics. So, this is the best I could find.)

Here's a GREAT example of how cute Lil Kim was. When she first hit the scene she was part of a group called Junior M.a.f.i.a. Here is one of their songs "Playas Anthem".

(PARENTAL ADVISORY - Explicit lyrics) - (Forward to minute 3:00 to see her and not have to listen to the song.)

Funny Comic

This comic has caused me to laugh out loud for quite a few Sundays, so I thought I'd share. Love it!

Super Woman

This is for all the ladies - The SUPER WOMEN. Keep on pushing. Keep on finding a way when there seems to be no way and keep on proving them all wrong! Love it!

Afternoon eye candy!

Oh yeah! I still got the cougar fever for this youngin'.

'

New Tyler Perry

I'm all for supporting the "brotha" but let's hope it's better then "Meet The Browns". (2 Snaps, a twist and a stuck out tongue - "HATED IT")





Academy Award®-winner Kathy Bates and Academy Award®-nominee Alfre Woodard star as the matriarchs of two very different families being torn apart by greed and scandal in the contemporary drama "Tyler Perry's The Family That Prays." The sixth feature film by Perry chronicles the inner workings of two families—one upper-crust and the other working class—that become inextricably linked by scandal. The movie release is scheduled for September 12

OUCH!

Why did I almost lose my two front teeth yesterday? And I would have been to blame! It was truly a “Tene” moment. Yesterday, I got off work with grand idea of making a dinner of champions, or at least a dinner to have my house smellin’ like the local wang joint. I was wantin’ some spaghetti and fried wangs. It may have something to do with needing to replenish my reserves after biking to and from work (but that’s another story that I’ll fill you in on later). I was tootin’ right along, my spaghetti was done and I was just finishing my first batch of wangs. I reached up to my top cabinet shelf to get down my big serving platter with plans to line it with paper towels to soak up most of the grease . My first mistake was that I was smiling just thinking about the good food I was only minutes away from enjoying, so my mouth was wide open. My second mistake was not being aware of where my face was in relation to the ceramic dish. So, I pulled the dish down from the top shelf and apparently the gravitational pull of an 1 pound platter is equivalent to that of a 80 pound rock being thrown form the top of the IDS Building – at least that’s what it felt like when the plate smashed into my two front teeth. “NO NOT MY TEETH! Anything but the teeth.” For those of you that don’t know I am a bit vain about my teeth – I always have dreams about my teeth (rather nightmares because something always causes me to lose several teeth). My heart stopped. My breath caught in my throat. I was immobile for several seconds, the platter hanging limply in my hand, as I waited for the blood to start gushing and the two fronts to fall to the kitchen floor. Imagine my relief when no blood marked up my floor and as I tentatively stuck out my tongue it met the (obviously) strong enamel of my two front teeth. Although they're still a little sore, they are still intact!!!

(My teeth ARE NOT yellow - it's the picture.)

Ebony and Ivory

When I saw this parody of Ebony and Ivory last night, I knew straight away that I would have to add it and the original as this week’s Friday Night Video. It totally made me laugh. I’ve only seen Psyche a couple of times but it’s a seriously funny show and both the “Ebony” and the “Ivory” guys are cuties. I also used to like the song by Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney. Its 20 odd years later and we’re still not “living in perfect harmony”, but we can still have hope – can’t we? Check it out. Try to stay cool tonight and have a great weekend!

Psyche Promo

Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney

More TV....

This weekend, Heather Locklear and I also watched Style Networks, Messiest House in America this weekend, which really should have been called NASTIEST ASS HOUSE in America. We actually watched it a couple times because it seriously was a train wreck. We seriously couldn’t stop watching it; we watched it at least 2 times in 24 hours. It’s hard to see in the entry video, because Mindy pretty much pans the rooms, not focusing on anything too long or in any room for too long, but their house is not just cluttered, it is FILTHY! Please if you get the chance, watch this mess. Just prepare yourself for some nasty ass mess (and don’t eat while you’re watching). These are two of the nastiest people ever! They have NEVER cleaned their house – NEVER. Several times while watching this, I found myself holding my breath because I swear I could smell the funk. It is also clear that these two are surely collecting an SSI check. There is much more going on then just not picking up every now and again. It just saddens me that in a month or so their house is gonna be trashed again. As part of the deal they should have also put them in contact with a psychologist. Mindy and Phil may come across as normal with just a little problem, but once Niecy and the crew got to the house it was an entirely different story; Mindy was crying over her complete collection of The Babysitters Club (books) and Phil getting teary eyed over all his damn computer equipment or toy airplane he hasn’t flown in a year. And don’t even get me started on Phil and his back problem. Just watch and you’ll get to see the brown toilet (thankfully they didn’t show the shower – I can only imagine what was growing in the tub), the rotted food in the kitchen, the fly trap hanging in the kitchen with hundreds of flies, the closet filled with several inches of kitty shit (and they don’t have a cat anymore). The best part of the show was watching the show’s hosts reactions to the nastiness going on in the Wheeler household. EEEEWWWWW!!!!

This video really doesn’t do the show justice. You have to find a re-run and watch it. ICK!
(Link removed so I didn't have to hear Mindy's voice EVERY Freakin' time I opned the site. SORRY!)
This video was submitted as part of the Clean House®: Search for the Messiest Home™ Competition

Soft Rock

Heather Locklear and I had a regular “sisters” sleepover this holiday weekend. We ate too much food and watched too much television, rarely straying from the couch, for anything other then to go to the bathroom, to get more food or to change the load in the washing machine. It was almost like when we were little when we used to sleep in the TV Room and watch TV until we fell asleep and then have cereal in front of the TV the next morning watching Smurfs. While flipping through the channels late Thursday night we came across the infomercial for the Classic Rock CDs. Hosted by Russell Hitchcock and Graham Russell (he still looks like a Hobbit) from Air Supply we spent the next 30 minutes enthralled in the classic sounds of the 70s and 80s. We were like the two little ashy kneed twins again, rocking out to the tunes on WLTE. We sang along to every song snippet they played. We were seconds away from getting out the credit card and calling the number at the bottom of the screen. That is until they flashed 5 easy payments if $29.99! WTH! SSSCCCCRREEECCCHHH! We put a brake on that really quickly! I love the tunes from back in that day but I can’t see spending $150 to enjoy them again. Sorry Graham and Russell.

http://www.timelife.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?catalogId=10001&storeId=1001&langId=-1&productId=211496&sourcekey=Y81GSCHYAH

So in honor of never being able to afford the 10 CD set, here are a couple of the tunes from the infomercial. And just in case you win the lottery and are ever wondering “what could I get the Jones Twins for a BLANK gift”, remember “Classic Soft Rock”.
Robbie Dupree – Steal Away

Ambrosia – Biggest Part of Me