New Years Eve 2008

Last night I was talking to my ace-boon-coon, Windy, on the phone when I glanced up at the television. Let me give a little background on my television. I am about the least interested in technologically top of the line products person you could ever meet. To give you a little perspective, I still have TWO working VHS players and just got a DVD player about 5 years ago. I have two tvs - one 13" with an antennae in my room, and one 19" with rabbit ears in the living room. My current 19" is actually a hand-me-down from The Ross'. The sound on my last 19" was going in and out but I'm a "ride or die" chick and I wasn't giving up on my tv just because it had selective sound. Well, The Ross' took pity on me and donated their old basement television to me. This one had a working remote so that was a definite upgrade. Ask Windy how I changed the channel before then. LOL! But I digress. So, my current 19" has a bit of a reception problem - one of the rabbit ears broke off a while ago and I couldn't quite get a hanger to stay in the hole. In true human nature I've adapted to bad reception and can watch most shows through the "snow". So, last night while I was flipping channels and talking to Windy, I landed on Channel 5 - the channel with the worst reception - and who did my eye spy? None other then my "hubbie in my head". Putting Windy on hold I concentrated on the snowy picture and sure 'nough, I was almost 95% sure that it was my boo. It wasn't until I checked online (the Internet still is best place to find info, even after my (frozen door) hiccup a couple of weeks ago) that I was able to confirm that I would indeed be spending New Years Eve with the Lionel! Thanks to the fan club I found out that he will be performing at 10:45pm (Eastern time). With my Arbor Mist and nacho cheese dip (I'm doing it big!) I will be Dancing on the Ceiling All Night Long - well at least until 10pm.

Yall have a GREAT NEW YEARS EVE and a BLESSED Year!

Cause I Keeps It Real on Christmas...

Rev Run and The Christmas All Stars 1997



(Heather Locklear, check out "friend in our head" Justine!)

Santa Claus was a Black Man

The Best Christmas Song EVER!
You just know this is from the 70's. This easily could have been me or Heather Locklear. I bet that this orginated in some urban city, at the local Afro American Center. Boy does that bring back memories. Heather Locklear and I spent many an afternoon and evening at the Afro American Center not too far from where I work. In that old drafty building we would hear positive stories about heroic Afro Americans, color pictures of little kids with big afros that looked like us and have Kwanzaa celebrations every December. UMOJA! POWER TO THE PEOPLE!

Anyways, I love this song! Enjoy!

AHHHH! Winter is here!

Have you ever done something so dumb that you really begin to ponder just how many chromosomes truly separate us from chimps? It may not be as many as we really think. Not in my case anyways. The last couple of weeks I have been plagued by some really bad ideas. I mean some real doosies. I mean the kind of things that when you’re working it out in your mind, it seems ingenious, but once you put the well-laid out plan into action it all unravels right before your eyes. Like the time when Heather Locklear and I thought it would be a great idea to throw globs of Vaseline on our bedroom ceiling (it was a popcorn ceiling) or the time in my senior year of high school that I didn’t think my mom would notice that I didn’t come home all night. But as adults we’re supposed have the common sense to talk ourselves out of crazy shenanigans. Aren’t we?

A good example would be last week. I was on my way home from class last Monday. As I was getting on the freeway I realized that my windows were so streaked with dirt and grime that I could barely see out of them. With the freeway exit several miles away and knowing that my windshield cleaner reservoir was empty, I quickly concocted a plan to clean my windows. Obviously, I’ve watched one too many episodes of MacGuyver. “Yeah, that should work”, I thought to myself. So, on the freeway, going 60 miles an hour, I unscrewed the cap of the windshield cleaner and rolled down my window. How it was supposed to work was that I would simply splash some of the windshield cleaner on my window and then would be able to use my wipers to clean them off. No problem, right? WRONG! Clearly, I wasn’t paying attention in science back in the day. When we went over that chapter about objects in motion, I must have been daydreaming about Lionel or the next episode of The Facts of Life. What happened was this…with my window down I put my arm out and began to swing my arm back and forth with the hopes of the solution landing on the window. Being that the car was in motion and going 60 miles per hour, the solution was also in motion, going 60 miles per hour. You can deduce that the solution just sprayed back all over my arm and the side of the car. It only took me a second to realize this and bring my now soaking wet arm back in the window. Laughing hysterically I drove with my still streaked and dirty windshield to the next exit, PARKED the car, got out of the car and poured windshield cleaner onto windshield.

Well, I may have topped the stupidity meter last night. Again it involved my car. (I’m beginning to see a pattern - all the madness focuses around the car) For those of you that are not in Minnesota or have not ventured out of your homes in the last 48 hours, you may not be aware that Mr. Winter has staked claim on this frozen tundra. After a balmy 38 degrees on Sunday the temperature dropped 40 degrees in like 8 hours. For anyone like me that has experienced frozen shut car doors, they know that when warm rain gives way to frigid below zero temps in a matter of hours, it’s a bad thing, a very bad thing. But did I go outside and spray my doors with silicone spray stuff on Sunday? NO. I stayed tucked away in my warm, cozy house, studying Español for Monday’s exam (which I did REALLY well on by the way!!!!). So, when I woke up Monday morning and looked out the window while listening to Johnathan Yuhas warn about the icy temps, I knew immediately that I was going to have a problem with my doors and cursed myself for not being more proactive. Bundled up, I trudged out into the cold and sure enough could not open any of my car doors and could only unlock the driver’s side door. Back into the house I grabbed the WD-40 (I had no clue if it would work but again it sounded good to me) and went back outside. I sprayed WD-40, using the little red tube, all around the driver’s side door. After pulling on the door for a few more minutes I went back in the house. This time I came out with a butter knife and proceeded to easily slide it (thanks, I’m sure, to the lubrication) around the door while pulling on it at the same time. When this didn’t work, my apartment manager walked by and I solicited his help. He hit the door with his fist in a few seemingly prime spots, but the door remained closed. Needing to get to work I vowed to return later that evening. “I’ll be back.”

While at work I called on a trusted purveyor of knowledge and information, the internet. I got several tips from a couple different websites on how to unstick a frozen door. I thought two of the tips especially insightful and tucked them away to try later on that evening. After acing my Español exam, I headed home. Once home I didn’t remove my jacket but grabbed the necessary tools that the website said I needed to get into my car. OK, so I didn’t have the exact tool that they said, but it was in the same tool family so I thought for sure it would work…
The first method called for me to whack my door at several strategically placed points with a rubber mallet. Not having a mallet, I thought (here we go again) that a hammer surely would also do the job. HHHMMM. Not so much. I started at the top of the door and hit it (softly) about 4 times before I realized that I was leaving small dents in the metal around the door. OOPS. And did I mention that I may have broken a little piece of black plastic that surrounds the window. Throwing the hammer on top of the car I moved on to the next sure fire method I got off the internet.
Taking my steaming cup of hot water (I know all of you are shaking your heads NOW. “No she did not put hot water on the door. That is the WORST thing she could possibly do. BLAH.BLAH.BLAH.” I’ve only heard that like a million times in the last 14 hours) I poured the water all around my door. I faintly heard the cracking of ice and poured more water. Not wanting to scrimp on the water I made a mad dash inside, quickly re-filling my cup and returning to rain more H2O on my door, careful to get into every crevice. Saying a little prayer I then tried the door. My little bubble of hope sprung a leak as I pulled on the door handle. It completely deflated when I realized that when it’s like 15 below zero and water freezes pretty much instantaneously, it’s probably not the best idea to pour more water into the already frozen door. My door is now cemented shut! I might as well have taken a blow torch and welded it closed….HMMM…a blow torch. Wonder if I can rent one of those? (It’s just a thought).

Once in the house I decided to call Handy Man Daddy for some advice. After a few minutes of “Oh Jacke. Did you really put water on it?” he lovingly said “You know there’s nothing you can do, right? You’re gonna have to wait until it warms up.” Thanks daddy. Not wanting to leave his little girl totally dejected, he did finally offer up the use of a blow dryer, an extension cord and at least 20 minutes outside with the car. Maybe I’ll try that on Wednesday when the temperature is supposed to reach 16 degrees. Oh and next time I promise I’ll call you first.

And to my dear friends John and Windy I’m glad that I could bring to much joy and laughter to your lives! And John thanks for reminding me to use an outdoor extension cord when I use the blowdryer so that I don’t end up electrocuted and stuck to the side of the car! HAHA!

So, looks like I’ll be depending on MetroTransit until about March due to the fact that I have a glacier down the side of my car. Hey aren’t there still glaciers from the ice age?

My window

AAAAHHHHH!!! They're taking over!

Oh really…did I just look in the mirror and see what I thought was a piece or fuzz or string on my eyelash. So, like any normal person. Unawares, I wiped it off. Well, imagine my surprise when I looked in the mirror again to make sure I got it and it was still there. Bringing the mirror closer to my face I soon discovered that “the piece of fuzz/string” was in fact ATTACHED! I have a grey hair in my eyelash!

This crap (grey hair) is taking over my body – head to toe! They’re multiplying! It’s like some freakin’ Tribbles (Star Trek – look it up).

This is the best picture I could get – maybe Santa will leave a new pap camera under my tree this year. The grey is circled. It actually points down - because as greys often do - they usually go against the grain!

A couple things...

A Charlie Brown Christmas Tree

I put my X-Mas Tree up, just as I usually do the day after Thanksgiving. I was still contemplating just doing without this year but after I wrapped a couple presents I decided to go on and put it up. Wrapped presents just sitting in the middle of the floor, just aren't the same as presents sitting under a tree. Putting my tree up does not require a lot of time or planning. I simply have to take it out of the box, put the 3 pieces together and plug it in. As an added bonus I add a few ornaments and some bows. Nothing special. I still haven't found a Black Santa or Black Angel to grace the top of my tree so I'm stuck with a not very attractive felt star. My tree looks pretty damn good to me, but when I took this picture for the post I couldn't help but see it's similarity to A Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

BBBBRRRRRR!

When I left out for work this morning temperature was a balmy 20 degrees-in the teens with the wind chill! I had on my long down coat, ski mittens and hat. As I walked to the bus stop I noticed a girl waiting for the bus across the street. Did my eyes deceive me? This child did not have on a jacket. Not only did she not have on a jacket but she had on short sleeves. My guess, is that in her hurry to get up and "make the bagels" (she had on a Bruegger's Bagel apron) she ran out of the house without layering.

Thanks again to my cheap pap camera the picture is not very good. But if you look closely, you can see her frozen fleshed arm.

Letter to the Boy

http://www1.umn.edu/twincities/index_rich.php?health
WATCH the video.
How does this sound for my conversation with Aaron? Feel free to use this when yall talk to your kids too!

"Look Boy", Santa Claus has had some budget cuts this year. He had to lay off 1/2 of the elves. The sleigh needed some repairs. The government bailout he had hoped for didn't come through. Rudolph got in that nasty accident while on vacation in the South Pole and they had to bring in a replacement at a higher cost - those damn Hippogriffs cost a grip. And to top it all off Mrs. Claus caught Santa in the sleigh with Elf Eduardo and now is suing him for a divorce and is expected to walk away with 1/2 of the North Pole (I heard through the grapevine that she's taking the money and moving to Florida with the Abominable Snow Monster). All that to say that Christmas is gonna be tight this year. We're taking it back to the old days. You will get one wooden toy, an orange and a peppermint stick. And just to clarify with your birthday so close to Christmas I've decided that we won't be celebrating your birthday until April 9th, 2009." Peace!

Evolution of a song...

Back in the early 80's Rap Music was born. One of the first groups to bring rap to the airwaves was The Sugar Hill Gang. They were one of the pioneers. I remember listening to them at my grandma's house. She had a big black boom-box with a radio, tape player and even little TV. I spend hours in front of it listening to music and taping off the radio - remember doing that, finger on the record button, trying to get the song without all the talk? Ahh, the old days. Anyways, one of Sugar Hill's hits was a song called Apache (Jump On It). In what has become a long used method of borrowing beats called sampling they sampled a song called Apache. Check out it's evolution...
SHG


Released by Sugar Hill Gang in 1981



No clue who the hell Mr. Mustache and his co-horts are but they provided one of the funniest re-makes of Apache. (Thanks Cam for finding this gem!)
UPDATE: Thanks to Wikipedia I am now able to name this band. The original was written and recorded in 1960 but this bands version was released in 1977. (Video concept definitely thought up in the marijuana smoke filled living room of Mr. Mustache and his girlfriend - the brunette Indian dancer. "Yeah baby, I'm sure Linda and Taffy will dance if I ask them. We can get some authenic costumes and I have some great moves." PUFF "It'll be dreamy."). I introduce to you The Tommy Seabach Band. I think it's safe to assume that Mr. Mustache is Tommy.

For the full demonstration of the evolution of one song check out ALL the people that sampled APACHE. I just hope that Jerry Lordan is getting paid!

Bangs

Been wanting bangs so here they are. I like them but I think I'm going to have to go get them cut shorter since my hair grows so fast.

(How do you like the ruffles and puffy shoulders on my shirt. I think I had almost the exact same shirt in like 1982. "I'm bringing sexy back.")

Shelf-Stable Milk (oxymoron??)

Made another trip to Dollar Tree last night for some last minute Thanksgiving things – disposable tins to be exact (one of the greatest kitchen inventions ever. Seriously, after cooking up a feast and stuffing your face who wants to scrub pans? Now if someone could just invent a disposable pot we’d be in business-just remember you got the idea from me!). Anyway, back to my story. I should stop being surprised by the things I find in the Dollar Tree, but my latest discovery really has me perplexed. It goes against the basic laws of nature. I’m sure that the Earth’s axis has been thrown a little off kilter. That’s how unnatural this dollar store gem is. Let me introduce to you (DRUM ROLL)…..
Lil’ Milk

Product Details:38% Less fat than whole milk. Lil' Milk is ideal for: Lunch boxes, traveling, outdoor activities, everyday use. Lil' Milk combines the benefits of ultra pasteurized milk with aseptic processing and the convenience of a package that is specially designed to keep the milk fresh and pure without refrigeration for months.

When I saw it in the grocery aisle I thought for sure it must be some kind of powdered milk. After all it was on the non-refrigerated shelf. That theory quickly went out the window when I picked it up and shook it. Sure enough it was liquid. That set my little used scientific mind in motion. Maybe it’s some kind of “fake” milk I thought aloud. (Fake milk? Where did that come from brainiac? Well, I said it was little used) Scanning the ingredients only further confused me: Grade A UHT Reduced Fat Milk, Vitamin A Palmitate and Vitamin D3. HUH???
HMMM this deserves further research I announced to Heather Locklear as I retrieved my trusty camera (phone) from my jacket. She just rolled her eyes and asked for the umpteenth time “Just how long does it take to get tins at Dollar Tree and could we hurry up and leave”.

Lil’ Milk comes in 3 varieties; there is 2%, Whole and Chocolate. Each of them has different ingredients. For this examination we will look at the 2%. We already know what is in the Lil’ Milk 2%, so let’s compare that to Kemps – a popular refrigerated variety of milk. Kemps list Reduced Fat Milk, Vitamin A Palmitate and Vitamin D3 as it’s ingredients. (See chart below – what kind of study would this be without a chart?)

Lil’ Milk 2%
Grade A UHT Reduced Fat Milk
Vitamin A Palmitate
Vitamin D3

Kemps
Reduced Fat Milk
Vitamin A Palmitate
Vitamin D

From this chart (it was a fancy chart until I transferred it from Word then I lost the formatting, so just imagine the coolest chart you've ever seen - that was it) you can deduce that the one difference in the ingredients is Grade A UHT…HMMMM???? What I found (thanks to the wonderful internet - http://hgic.clemson.edu/factsheets/hgic3510.htm) is that UHT Milk is regular milk that is excessively processed in order to give it an extended shelf life. Read below:
UHT Milk: Ultra-high temperature (UHT) milk is regular fluid milk that is packed in an airtight, sterilized, cardboard container. The product is treated by flash sterilization at 290 °F (twice the temperature of normal pasteurization). This high temperature kills all bacteria or microorganisms. The milk is then packed into sterilized containers and is shelf-stable for six months. After six months, the flavor and color begin to change and the product thickens. It is still safe, but may not produce the desired effect in a recipe. Once the package of UHT milk is opened, it is treated like fresh fluid milk and used within several days.

Yeah, about that…while I’m not a fan of normal milk; I really am not a fan of this milk. It just doesn’t seem right. I was unable to find any information on the internet about any negative effects of UHT milk (PSSSST! I’ll let you in on a little secret; I kinda got bored with research once I found out how they were able to keep the milk on the shelf, so I really didn't look that hard for any cons of UHT Milk. You can if you want to. Just let me know what you find out.)

Until next time, this is BILL NYE, oops I mean Jacke signing out. (I apologize to you non-scientificy types – you probably won’t get that joke.)

Halloween 2008

I know you just got back from 1987, but let's take another quick trip, this time to 1983. Almost every morning instead of sitting down with my oatmeal to watch Scooby Doo, I'd grab my bowl and turn to 20 Minute Workout. I didn't watch the aerobics show to get in shape but rather I was fascinated by the show. Aerobics was big at that time and in my 12 year old mind these women were so cool. They dressed in the coolest leotards and thongs and kept perfect time to the music. Their hair bounced with precision to every note. They were just cool. For a few months I was sure that I would grow up to be an aerobics instructor.


So, my niece is obsessed with the 1980's. Anything 80's she loves! Even all the things those of us that experienced the 80's first hand are trying to forget. We are constantly arguing because she insists on calling anything 80's vintage. WTH! It's not the 1880's were talking about! Nothing that pertains to ME is in the least bit vintage!


Her and her girlfriends decided to go with a group Halloween costume and pay homage to my favorite show 20 Minute Workout. They won first prize at their school. Check them out! Not bad (in their vintage wear!).

Rick Astley

Go back...back to 1987...before there was Robin Thicke and his soulful sounds there was a white boy from England that had been dipped by God in a pot of soul. His name was Rick Astley, a cute red head with an infectious smile. You just wanted to run your fingers through his curls. After the success of "Never Gonna Give You Up" he had one more hit "Together Forever" and then pretty much fell off the face of the earth.


Well, imagine my shock when I opened my eyes after a quick "bus nap" (really folks you need to start riding the bus. It is non-stop entertainment!) and looked up to see Rick Astley himself sitting a few rows up! The bus was pretty crowded so I couldn't get a closer picture but take my word for it. It was definitely Rick Astley. Here's my best pic. I really need to invest in a better pap camera if I want to make it to TMZ.

Secret Agent Man aka Suit Man aka Big Pimpin'

Check out Suit, Big Pimpin' and Big Pimpin' II for background...
So, the other day I got on the bus and grabbed a seat on the aisle. I HATE sitting on the aisle so I looked around to try and get a feel of any "window seat sitters" that looked like they would be getting off of the bus soon. Imagine my surprise when I looked across the aisle and one row back was Secret Agent Man. I immediately went into a panic as I tried to figure out how to get close without coming across a stalker. "Gotta get a picture, gotta get a picture", I thought to myself. I know you're dying to find out what hue of the rainbow he choose for a warm, sunny fall day. As not to disappoint, he choose a powder blue jacket and matching pants ensemble, maybe to match the sky. As I begin to panic worried that he would get off the bus and I would miss my shot, lady luck smiled down on me and the person in the row ahead of him exited the bus. I leaped into the seat, pulling my bag and lunch behind me and started planning my next paparazzi move. I figured that when I heard him get off I would have a clear view of him - that was if he walked toward the front of the bus. I got my pap camera out a.k.a. cheap, low pixel, camera phone and sat back to wait. "This could my big break. Maybe cracking the mystery of the Secret Agent Man could get me a shot on TMZ" I thought to myself. (Cut away to me on TMZ with my trendy scarf telling Harvey Levine that I found video of Miley Cyrus slobbing down her older boyfriend) But I digress...as I was waiting I heard him open and close the secret agent briefcase. Man, what I wouldn't do to see what was in that briefcase. A few seconds later I actually heard his voice for the first time. It could have almost been as moving as the first time I heard "the boy" speak except for the fact that it kinda freaked me out. His voice is somewhat raspy and creepy - very prank caller like. Once I got over the shock of hearing his voice, I quickly collected myself, so that I could hear what he had to say. Leaning my head back in the seat and turning a little to side I could hear clearly everything he had to say:

"Hi Jane, this is Aaron (OMG! He has the same name as "the boy". Scary!)"

WAH-WAH-WAH (Insert Charlie Brown adult voice sound)

"I just wanted to call and let you know that I'm going to have to cancel for tonight. I really hate to do this but all THREE of my chauffeurs canceled on me tonight."

WAH-WAH-WAH

"Yeah, I'm really sorry. This has never happened before. All three canceling in the same night. I'll talk to you soon. Bye."

What? Are you kidding me? Did he just say his chauffeurs canceled on him? He has chauffeurs?

And wouldn't you know it, I sat trying to digest this new tidbit of information, Secret Agent Man got off the bus and I missed my photo op (that's pap talk).

UGH! So Secret Agent Man is still a mystery!!!!!!!????? Who is this man that wears rainbow brite suits, carries a metal secret agent briefcase, rides the bus everyday and has THREE chauffeurs?? The plot thickens!!!!!

We Did It!

Nebraska Trip

Two more teens have been dropped off in separate Nebraska hospitals bringing the total to 26 kids under 18 that have been abandoned by their parents. While I'm sure that in many of these cases, the parents are unable to care for the kids because of financial limitations or maybe psychological problems, but as more and more teens are dropped off I can GUARANTEE that most of those older kids just got too lippy, stayed out too late or disobeyed once too often and mom and dad put them in the car and headed to Nebraska. (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081103/ap_on_re_us/safe_haven) One of the teens that was just "dropped off" was a 16 year old girl that had no idea she was being left permanently at the hospital. Unfortunately, I have lost the element of surprise when it comes to "the boy". Too many times over the last couple weeks, I have threatened to drop him off in Nebraska. I am currently researching how long it takes to get to Nebraska, so that I can plan accordingly. "The boy" is pretty smart, so I'm sure that once he realizes that we're not just going on "a ride", but rather on a road trip, I won't be able to make any stops, so I have to make sure I can get to the hospital on one tank of gas. And after listening to some of my friends, I think I may just put a call out to fed-up parents (I am at the front of the line), rent a van and take a carload of them down. That way, all the "think they're grown, think they can make their own decisions, think that they don't need us parents for anything, think that they can go where they want, when they want, think that they don't have to make contributions to the family, think that they can talk to us parents any old way" teens can keep each other company at the hospital until the county comes and picks them up! So, if you're looking for me and can't find me at home or work, try me on my cell, I may be on my way to Nebraska.

Sexys (I'm) Back...

Thanks Justin for bringing me back...and now that I have some things to write about...Stay Tuned.

Anita Baker

On Friday we went to see Anita Baker in concert. Remember her-jazzy songstress with the mellow voice from the mid- 80's? Well, I haven't forgotten about her and when I saw she was going to be coming to Mystic Lake Casino I jumped at the chance to go. (Can't get enough of my 80's music!) It was a really good show. It's been 20 years since her first hit, and she certainly kept the audience jumping with 2 hours of classics. There was lots of head bopping, finger snapping, 2-stepping, hand holding and snuggling going on. Well, worth it.

We also got a room in the hotel. It was a really nice evening with the illusion of being someplace else even if we were just a few miles outside of the city;a nice get away. And what would a "good time" be without food. I was kind of bummed when we didn't get to go to the buffet before the concert. But then I remembered that we would get another chance the next morning. UUUMMMM-MMMMMM. The buffet was the icing on an already great cake. When "Smith" mentioned coming back out to Mystic for some gambling, my response was "as long as we can go to the buffet!". FOOD!

And in true "I can't make this stuff up" fashion...a few minutes before the show started I observed my ex-fiancee (10+ years ago) walking down the aisle. I pointed him out and "Smith" laughed saying "Wouldn't it be funny if he sat by us?" Well, I obviously need to hit "Smith" up for this week's lottery numbers because he was right on, as "my-ex" and his date started down our aisle toward the two empty seats next to me. I obviously was the last person he expected to see as well, because he literally jumped back when I said "hi". Not quite sure what to say, a nervous smile played on his face. After a few minutes of awkwardness with no introductions and no conversation beyond "how are you?" and "fine", I forgot all about him and let Anita entertain me.

29 Days to MAXWELL!

The Boy

"The boy" cut his dreads like a month ago and I have been trying to get a picture ever since. But in true "teenager" fashion he will not allow this. ("Mom wants it? Oh no, not gonna happen.")Every time I try to take a picture he moves, so it blurs or scrunches his face up. I have even tried to take surprise pictures, but those have not worked either. Well, in true "mom" fashion, I did some snooping and found a picture on his Facebook. Just had to share my handsome boy.
Now if I could just get him on board with Christmas Pictures.

June 2008

Sept 2008 (he has a cap on)

Down with G-O-D...

This was my favorite scene in Sister Act 2. Check out Lauren Hill before the Fugees and long before she lost her mind. I was actually going to embed the scene where they sing "Oh Happy Day" but I saw this and I like this song WAY more. It's still a "happy day" though cause Maxwell tickets go on sale at 5pm!!!!! Although, during his hiatus, my man seems to have lost his mind. Tickets range in price from $56-$120. Lionel is the only man I'd pay over $100 to see, that is unless the $120 included some "personal" time with Maxwell. Then I might be willing to forgo buying groceries for "the boy" for next week for some quality time with my number two man.



And in honor of Maxwell: 38 Days until I see him!
This Women's Work

Spinach Dip

(Finished dip)

I finished off the dip last night and like the "food druggie" I am, I was already planning my visit to the store to get more. And since "the boy" finished off the good corn chips, I was forced to eat the rest of the dip with Doritos. Though I have learned through the years that Doritos pretty much go with anything, so it was with the same relish (as the last few nights) that I devoured the rest of the dip. And good homo-sapien that I am - my ability to learn through trial and error fully intact - I finally started using a spoon to scoop out the last little bit of dip. This saved me from having to lick off the dip that collected on my knuckles - kinda messy.

Latest Acquisitions

You have got to get to Target and get these t-shirts. A couple weeks ago they were on sale for $5 each (regular price $8.99), so I picked up a few to wear to the Gap job. Well, they turned out to be the most comfortable shirts! They come in an array of colors. I got the black, grey and light brown (see below). They are long so no riding up and displaying the belly flab, roomy in the belly and oh so soft. The only problem is that they run small (Mossimo always runs really small) so I had to get XXL. Seriously, you can't beat the price! Hopefully, they go on sale again soon, so I can stock up on some more. I'll even let you touch it.

He's Coming....

Today is truly a joyous day, in deed! I just found out that the second love of my life (in my head) will be FINALLY answering the prayers of his fans and coming out of hiding. It's been over 7 years since Maxwell released an album (oops I mean CD, I'm surely not old enough to even know what an album is. Right?) or toured. There is still no word on a release date for the CD, Black Summer's Night, but I will overlook the delinquency of the constant delays (over 2 years) and be happy and satisfied with a concert. Tickets go on sale on Friday. I can't wait. Even if I have to go alone (hey, I went to a Lionel concert alone one year and had my own fun!) I will be sitting in the Orpheum communing with my man on October 21!

Just listen to a snippet of his new song on his MySpace. http://www.myspace.com/maxwell

Food!

Um. This is my new favorite dip! It is so good! You know I love chips and dip and this one is SO good!!!!!! I ate so much last night (combined with beef stroganoff, not together of course but within the same hour) that I was scared to come to work this morning for fear of "gassing" out my co-workers! YUMMY!

New Movie

Soul Men - Bernie Mac and Samuel Jackson (cameo by Isaac Hayes)

The Devil

I don't know what it is about this man, but I just can't even look at him. He is the devil. I get a really uneasy feeling about him whenever I see him. He scares me worse then George W. Whenever I look at him all I see is the freaky monster from the "Hush" episode on Buffy The Vampire Slayer (check it out sometime if you get the chance. It's one of my fav episodes). It's like in the Devil's Advocate when Charlize's character kept seeing the scaring devil faces. That's what I see when I look at him. Just wanted to share!

Dollar Store

While perusing the aisles at the neighborhood Dollar Tree (the best dollar store) I ran across some new items they are currently stocking. For those of you that aren't familiar with Dollar Tree, everything in the store is definitely a dollar. This is not one of those dollar stores that are frontin' (you know, they might have a few items for a dollar but they have quite a few things with a higher price point. FAKERS!)


$1.00 Pregnancy Test.

Hmmm. Would you? I'm thinking I might have some reservations about taking the $1 pregnancy test. Call me stuck up, but I'm just saying.


$1 Lingerie

This one, maybe. Hey, you might be tight on money but still wanna have that romantic evening with your man. Slide on into the Dollar Tree. You can get some sexy lingerie, some candles, some silk flowers, a vase, some juice and chips all for under $10. But make sure you wrap it or you just might need that $1 Pregnancy Test a little later in the month!!

Bus Riding

This morning, I was running just a little behind. I haven't been feeling well and took a huge swallow of Nyquil last night, so it took me a little longer then usual to get on my feet. Anyways, I got on a later bus. When I got on I noticed a young man with his head leaned up against the window, sleeping. As often happens in my head, I created a story for him. He was a brother headed to work and was trying to catch up on a few ZZZZZZZs. I nap on the bus at least a few times a week myself. I sat in the seat behind him, opened up my book and began to read. About a mile after I got on the bus, I happened to look up. I don't know why, maybe because the bus seemed to be stopped for longer then the normal pick up. Anyways, when I looked up, a police officer was getting on the bus. Again, I tried to come up with a story for him. It was so a Sesame Street moment. "One of these things is not like the others, One of these things just doesn't belong, Can you tell which thing is not like the others, By the time I finish my song?" I was racking my mind trying to remember if I ever saw a police officer, in full uniform, gunned up, take the city bus. I thought maybe he was just doing his part to make this world a greener place. As I stared at him, he walked up to the "young, hard, working brother and said "Hey. Get up." Now, I'm trying to figure out what the brother did wrong. Was I so enthralled in my book that I missed some transgression he committed again MTC or another passenger? Raising his voice, the cop again demanded that he get up. Now this brother must have been really tired because he didn't move. That's when the cop reached down into his lap and came back up with a can of beer and a cigarette. OOOOHHHHHH. I got it now. While my young brother may in fact be a hard worker, it seems that on this particular occasion, his ass was simply passed out. Again the cop tried unsuccessfully to rouse him. He finally settled on a secret (Jedi) cop move and took his knuckle and pushed it into the spot where your collar bone meets. That did the trick and while the youngin' didn't jump up, he did begin to stir. The cop pulled him up out the seat and wouldn't you know it, this fool done peed on himself! The back of his pants and shirt were soaked. He made no protest as the cop lead him off of the bus.

So that left what I am assuming was a puddle in the seat because as each new rider got on the bus and made a move to sit they quickly moved on to the next seat or to stand. It immediately put into my mind "those thoughts". You know the type of thoughts you try not to think about when you go out to eat. Some things are just better left alone. Anyways, I started thinking about what happens when the pee dries and then someone (ME) gets on the bus later in the day with no idea that they are sitting on dried pee. And what about all the other things that someone (ME) may be coming in contact with on the bus. EEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!

Friends in My Head

Michelle and Barack offer an excitement about politics that hasn’t been there in my lifetime. They are a breath of fresh air and offer a hope for change. It’s not that I think that they’ll have all the answers or will be able to make everything alright. What I think that is attractive about them is a feeling of genuineness (maybe it's a realness) that no one else has. It's easy to identify with them. It truly is about change, a new way of approaching the same old problems; seeing it from another direction. Simply acknowledging that the old way isn’t working so let’s see what we can do to make it work. That’s what I like about them.

RIP Aaliyah

Monday was the 7 year anniversary of Aaliyah's death. I really liked most of her songs throughout her career but here are two of my favorites:

Somebody needs to be bitch slapped!

It's time again to pull your arm back - all the way back. When it's well behind your head, start to bring it around, increasing the speed as you go. To gain a little momentum it's ok to lift your leg as you swing it around. It may be necessary to lower your arm just a little so that you'll hit your target dead one. When the target is just inches away is when you want to jerk your body a little. this adds a just a bit of extra force as you smack the shit out of this momma!
(Video is acting up - so here's the link in case you can't see/open it! http://www.livesteez.com/videos/watch/yrrYwFb )

State Fair

I made my annual pilgrimage to the Great Minnesota Get Together (Minnesota State Fair) last Friday. Once again I ate (a ton of food), pointed (at and whispered about people), laughed (with Windy and the girls) and walked (most of the 320 acres of the grounds). After picking up my little chickadees from day care (and an afternoon nap) we headed out under a blanket of grey/black clouds, just as it was starting to sprinkle. I had images of having to grab the girls by their hands and running through pelting rain and hurricane force winds to take shelter in the barn, next to the worlds biggest pig, as a tornado ripped through the fair grounds. With Jonathan Yuhas' voice playing in my head -"Scattered showers, sometimes severe beginning at 4pm" - I prayed that he would be wrong and we would have at least a few hours without rain. As a precaution we were set to tackle the rain if it decided to "rain on our parade" (HAHA! Bet ya didn't know I got jokes too! Multi-talented, that's me) with a rain coat, a poncho and a Dora the Explorer umbrella. As it turned out, the showers never materialized and the rain gear stayed stowed away in the stroller. It was actually a perfect afternoon/evening, cool, breezy and small crowds (seems as though most people took the forecast to heart). The only down point for me was when I realized that I had forgot my (actually "the boy's") camera and wouldn't be able to take pics.

Here are some fair (food) highlights:
Pork Chop on a Stick!

Always a fair favorite. And it's gotta be Petersons. There are some others but they are not as good! It's our first stop (eat it right there on the street with the juices rolling down your arm) and the last stop to get a chop to take home!





Gizmo


Another yearly stop is the Gizmo stand way at the Northend of the fair. The Gizmo is ground beef and Italian sausage with a special sauce and seasonings, covered with melted mozzarella cheese and served on a delicious toasted Italian roll. Windy hipped me to these. You should have seen us passing the Gizmo back and forth. Anyone watching would have thought we were sharing a crackpipe. I love my friend but you better believe I was keeping an eye on the number of bites she was taking. Food has been known to break up years long friendships. I was trying to inhale the Gizmo so fast that I spilled some of it down my shirt and you know I was not wasting any of it, so my hand went right down the front of my shirt to fish out the escaped meat and slurp it up!!!





Big Fat Bacon





(One-third pound of bacon, fried and caramelized with maple syrup and served on a stick.)
This is a newbie at the fair and let me tell you, it is ABSOLUTELY DE-LI-CIOUS! They have taken the pig to A WHOLE NUHVER LEBEL!! This may even give the pork chop a run for it's money! It's kinda like on Saturday morning when you've finished your pancakes but you still have a piece of bacon left and you rub the bacon through the syrup that's left on the plate. It's all sweet and salty. YUM! But it's so much more. Needless to say we got this early on in the afternoon, spent the rest of the afternoon talking about it and then went back for more before we left! It's that good!

Pig Lickers

All I have t0 say about this new item is DUD! I thought that I would get the same sweet and salty effect of the Big Fat Bacon, but instead all you got was a mouthful of chocolate and cold bacon grease. They need to go back to the drawing board on this one.

Oh and the food FESTIVAL continued for the rest of the weekend too...

Heather Locklear has been blabbing about the fresh baked chocolate chip cookies at Target's Food Ave for a week now. Well, on Saturday while out on errands I finally had the opportunity to partake in this delight. Oh, it was definitely a delight (and I'm not even a big chocolate cookie fan). So much so, that I got another one on my way out. Damn, yet one more way Target picks my pocket!

Then on Sunday, I waddled my ever widening behind to the Uptown Famous Daves. For $15.95 they have a YUMMY All You Can Eat Buffet Brunch! There I managed to chow my way through fruit, breakfast potatoes, chix wings, mac and cheese, bacon, sausage, cheese eggs, rib tips, made to order omelet, pancakes, and french toast with a praline syrup. There were a few other buffet items (waffles, dessert, biscuits and gravy, muffins) but I didn't want to compromise any stomach space for anything I wasn't gung-ho about. They also have a Bloody Mary bar but believe it or not I wasn't really up for my fav beverage - maybe next time.


So, this week I have been trying to detox (not doing a very good job) before I go camping this weekend and eat even more junk! UUUGGGHHH! When will the madness end?

New Movie

The Secret Lives of Bees, a novel by Sue Monk Kidd has been made into a movie scheduled to be released October 17, 2008. I recently read the book and truly enjoyed it. My niece, however, calls it a "BM", but I have hope that it will live up to the book.


Set in South Carolina in 1964, the film is the moving tale of Lily Owens a 14 year-old girl who is haunted by the memory of her late mother. To escape her lonely life and troubled relationship with her father, Lily flees with Rosaleen, her caregiver and only friend, to a South Carolina town that holds the secret to her mother’s past. Taken in by the intelligent and independent Boatwright sisters, Lily finds solace in their mesmerizing world of beekeeping and more.
Based on the bestselling novel by American author Sue Monk Kidd, the movie adaption stars Dakota Fanning, Queen Latifah, Alicia Keys, Tristan Wilds, Sophie Okonedo and Jennifer Hudson.
Directed by Love & Basketball’s Gina Prince-Bythewood, it will be in theaters on October 17th.

Somebody needs to be bitch slapped!

I have yet to pick my bottom jaw off the floor! What I don't understand is how would anyone allow this? There are adults in the room that seem to be encouraging this behavior! These kids need to be snatched up and the adults need to be straight sucker punched. Some other bloggers are blaming it on rap music and rap videos, but I would have to disagree. I blame the adults that are allowing it. Shame!

Zoom

MD - This is dedicated to you and Marita!

Here's another 1970's PBS show that Heather Locklear and I and MD and her sis used to watch. MD and her sis even had striped ZOOM sweatshirts!

Don King

Imagine my surprise when I looked up from my book yesterday on my bus ride home and watched in shock as Don King shuffled on and sat right in front of me. Before I could blurt out, ‘Yo Don, what’s up? How’s Mike Tyson?’, I took a closer look and was disappointed to realize that this gentleman was just a Don King Wannabe. From the picture below, I’m sure you can understand how I made the mistake. For the next few blocks I was somewhat distracted by DK Wannabe’s hair, lifting my eyes from the pages of my book to take in the wonder of his afro. Well, one of the times that I looked up to take in more of his hair; DK Wannabe was looking out of the window. That provided me with a profile. Oh why did I look up then? The profile allowed me to witness what must truly be a ‘Wonder of Nature’. Don’t know if you’ve ever seen this but it was truly a wonder to behold. This DK Wannabe had a little mini afro sticking out or his ear! I am not kidding. It was a little THICK tuft of hair – looked just like a little ear ‘fro. If that wasn’t gross enough, he proceeded to expel a wad of phlegm from deep in his throat, crack the window and send it sailing!!!! I was mortified with visions of either it not making it all the way out of the window and flying back into my face or it landing on the outside of my window. To make matters worse he did it 3 more times! Just when I was about to get up and change seats, the wonder of his afro lost, he got up and shuffled off of the bus. So long DK Wannabe, Phlegm Throat – ‘til we meet again.

(I'm getting a little better with the sly camera phone shots.) This is the back of DK Wannabe's head. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get a good pic of his ear 'fro.

Suit

What are the chances that I would get two pics of Big Pimpin' in one week. 'A million to one' you say? Well, you're wrong! The odds are certainly in my favor this week. (Note to self: Buy a lottery ticket!) As you can see I got another pic of Big Pimpin' this morning. I almost missed it. I just happened to look out the window as we drove through the Uptown Station. Luckily the bus stopped and I was able to get my hands on my cell phone. It actually came out pretty good. I just wish it were closer so that you could see the detail of the suit. Today's red ensemble was actually two-toned/pinstriped. You can't see from this distance but the suit has a shiny alternating red stripe throughout. Classy! And notice the "Secret Agent" briefcase! I told you it never leaves his side!

Reminiscing...

We're getting a new e-mail system at work, so we've all been tasked to delete as many e-mails as we can. So, I've spent all day going through and deleting e-mails. I am a bit of an e-mail pack-rat, so this has been a very nerve-racking day for me (Arbor Mist here I come!). Anyways, while going through some of my personal e-mails, I found this gem...Enjoy!

(December 2006)


Imagine this gentleman with a little more pepper in his hair and glasses. We'll call him "Smiley" for the remainder of this story.

Now that you've had a good look, sit back and enjoy a story with me....

Last night I joined a friend of mine at her son's Varsity basketball game. It was an away game held at St. Louis Park High School. I arrived a few minutes after the game started, found my friend and her kids and had a seat. The game was enjoyable and when half-time came along we stood up to stretch our legs. So, I'm up and looking around. Well, I happen to glance to my right and one row down is a gentleman grinning at me. So, I smile. He smiles even harder and waves. At first I was taken aback but, of course, being the nice person I am, I smile back. When the game started back my attention went back to the game. A couple times I saw the "smiley" gentleman grinning in my direction. Again I really thought nothing of it. 'Maybe he thought I was someone else.' 'He couldn't possibly be flirting with me.'

The game ends and the gym begins to clear out. Again I see "smiley" looking at me. Again, I dismiss it. We'll my friend and I are walking out of the gym and who materializes next me...you guessed it, "Smiley".

"So, are you here for Fridley or St. Louis Park?", he says.

"Uh, Fridley.", I choke out.

"I'm here for St. Louis Park. I used to play for the team. So, do you know someone that plays on the team", he asks.

"Uh, no. I'm here with a friend that has a son on the team." I think my mouth was hanging open as I wondered to myself 'Is this man really talking to me? What year did he play?'

"This is my first game back to the old school", as he says this I can feel it coming. He's getting closer, about to come in for the kill. 'Yikes', I think to myself. 'What is happening?'

I stammer out, "Um, so are you from Minnesota?"

"Yeah, people always think I'm a handsome Italian from Brooklyn.", he chuckles.

'Oh my goodness here it comes.' my voice is screaming in my head. I'm looking for an exit and I'm trapped like a deer in headlights waiting for the crash!

That's when he cuts to the chase. The reason behind all the small talk.

"So, what's your name?"

'Should I tell him my real name? No time to think. UUUGGGHHH'

"Um, Jacke. And you?" I was smiling but screaming on the inside.

"I'm Vinnie. Vinnie, the Italian Stallion".

'What did he just say? Are you kidding me? Is this really happening? Where are the cameras? This has got to be a prank? I'm being punked!'

No one jumps out with camera. So, I smile and let him continue.

"So, we should see each other sometimes."

"Um, yeah, I'll see you around", is all I can think to say.

"No you won't. You should give me your number so I can give you a call."

'Come on already with the cameras. Lets end this joke and move on.' Still no cameras.

"Uh, I can't give you me number?"

"The guy your seeing is a headache. You don't need him." He says, sure of himself.

'I guess that's mob talk'

"Um yeah, that's it. I have a boyfriend and I can't give you my number"

"Come on. He's a headache. You just don't know it yet."

'I have to get away!' I'm like the rabbit not quite sure which way to run put just knowing that I have to run. 'Have to get away.'

"Come on."

"Sorry, can't do it.Well, it was nice to meet you. Bye!"

I quickly and walk off. 'Don't run. Walk slowly'.

'Did that just happen?'

______________________
So, now you have an quick peek at my love life. Enjoy and have a Happy Holiday. And remember, just cause your getting a Social Security check doesn't mean that you still can't get your mack on! Playa! Playa!

(Daddy, what would have been your reaction when I brought Vinnie home for the holidays!)
WWDS-What Would Daddy Say?

Broke My Heart!

This past weekend I got to sit with my two little favorite girls! We had a three day slumber party. It was a blast. On Friday night I told them all about the Olympics and we watched the Opening Ceremonies. When the teams started their procession into the stadium we turned the channel but not before one of the African teams were making their march. It was then that my eldest “girl” made a profound statement in her innocent little four-year old voice. While drawing with her crayons, she looked up and said something along the lines of “I don’t like the brown people. I like the white people.” While I can’t remember what she said exactly, this is a close representation. It caught me so off guard that for a few seconds I just stared at her. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. When I finally found my voice, I started to explain to her that brown people are so beautiful and that she is so beautiful. Other then that I wasn’t sure what to say. What struck me and what made me most sad is that my beautiful little brown baby didn’t see the beauty in her brown people i.e. herself. My babies have brown dolls, books with brown people and are told that they are special and beautiful, but how can we combat society. How do we instill self worth and self beauty in our little ones when they are bombarded with images that differ so much from themselves? How can we get them to see their worth when a majority of the images they see are white of skin and straight of hair? Right now it’s up to me, her parents and all the others that love her and her sister (and any other little brown girl or boy that we know!) to build her up so that she sees that her beauty and brains outshine the images she sees everywhere, everyday.

"These shoes rule!"

Always like to share my new shoes. I love SHOES! These pics don't really do them justice (again the cell phone camera!) but love them all the same! The first one's I got the wear to a wedding a few weeks ago. Under $20 at Marshalls! The bottom one's are gift from Ms. Windy (any time you wanna trade shoes for babysitting services, just let me know!). They match a black dress I have perfectly.

Gold

Black with rhinestone detail on top of foot

Shoes

Remember...

the Big Pimpin' II (Feb 2008) blog entry? Well, I finally got a picture of "suit man" this morning. As my bus approached the Uptown Station this morning, I saw him running across the street. All I was able to get was a quick picture as he sat waiting for his bus. As you can see I haven't invested in my Paparazzi camera yet, so all I've got is this blurry picture from my cell phone. Unfortunately, today he was not as colorful as he usually is, opting for the all white suit instead of one of the brighter hues he owns.

That's him on the right hand side. Also, notice the metal "secret agent" briefcase he carries. He seems to never leave home without it.

RIP

We lost 2 great men this weekend! Lower your head and lift a fist to Issac Hayes and Bernie Mac! They were both legendary contributors to the entertainment world and WILL be missed!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20080811/ts_afp/usentertainmentmusichayes_080811032121

http://www.usatoday.com/life/music/2008-08-09-mac-death_N.htm?csp=34

Don't Act Like You Don't Know

Don't why but this past weekend while I was contemplating Election 2008 (ok really I was watching MTV's G's to Gents), I all the sudden started singing the theme to 321 Contact. Don't act like you don't know. Ok, maybe you won't if you weren't raised in the 80s and weren't TV junkies like Heather Locklear and I were. 321 Contact was a science show that came on Channel 2 (PBS) during the 80's. Heather Locklear and I watched it everyday after school (latch key kids). The best part of the show though was the intro song!


A segment of the show that was a fav of ours was The Bloodhound Gang - a ragtag group of teens that used science to solve crimes/mysteries. Looking back though, I swear the girl on the show was about 25 years old.


So you see we were on the right road - watching all the educational shows on PBS. Not quite sure where we made a wrong turn and ended up addicted to Reality TV!

For Real?

I'm beginning to see a pattern. While last week wasn't as bad as the week before it still was a crappy work week and it seems to have rolled over to today. But I'm not gonna let it get to me. I'm a SUPER WOMAN and I gotta hold it down!

Friday Night Video (on Wednesday) for the Ladies

Sorry for no video last week (as if the world stopped) but I had the absolute WORSE WEEK ever at work. I won't go into it, but just know that it was a BAD week. I'm finally getting over it, so thought I'd add a video.

I know it's not an 80's video but it what i was feeling...yummy! Marques Houston isn't all that cute but he has some sexy songs. I just love a man's lower stomach; right where it indents.

Naked

Sex Wit You

And the original belly...(pre-crack) D'Angelo "How Does It Feel"

Jackson 5

Don't know why but this picture made me laugh out loud! So, I had to share. Pure hilarity. I'm sure that this may have been okay back in the 70's but a pic like this now a days would have ruffled more then a few feathers(remember Miley Cyrus just a few months ago?). Daddy Joe would have surely been caught in the backlash for exposing the hairless chests of his boys. Look at poor confused Michael; not sure he feels comfortable.

Mixed Feelings

Check out the trailer/teaser for Disney's The Princess and the Frog. It's Disney's first cartoon with an African American heroine/main character. I'll give 'em the benefit of the doubt and ignore the obligatory "buffoon" toothless, ebonics speaking firefly. HHMMM. (Raised eyebrow)

Friday Night Video

Not much to say (believe it!), just used to like this song.