Yummy!

Some of you may be aware that I have on occasion hid food from my son in the vegetable bin. Before you make any calls to child protection, let me clarify...essential foods such as milk, eggs, vegetables, meats, etc. are kept in the main compartment of the refrigerator and cabinets and are available to him for consumption 24 hours a day. Only mommy's "special" foods and drinks are sometimes housed in the vegetable bin. If any of you have teenage boys you will understand and confirm my need for a hiding place. This need arises out of the fact that my "not so little one" will not just have one Snapple or one ice cream treat. He will eat the entire box in one sitting and then stand perplexed when I crumple to the kitchen floor and break into tears. Too many times I have come home from work to find the item (that I could almost taste the entire bus ride home) just a wrapper or empty bottle on the counter - left out just to tease me.

This past weekend I purchased some Snickers Ice Cream Bars – Snack Size. I am not a big sweets eater but one candy bar I do crave now and again are Snickers. The ice cream bars bring together the best of two worlds – Snickers and ice cream. This little piece of heaven consists of chocolate ice cream, caramel, peanuts and chocolate. And as an added bonus each little bar is only 90 calories! So, while unpacking the groceries, I strategically placed individual bars through out the freezer; in between packages of pork chops, behind bags of broccoli, under the bacon. 12 little pieces of bliss just waiting to bring me delight!

(Sorry. Couldn't find a better picture.)

I am sharing this with you because as I reflect on what happened later that evening, I feel a little like some kind of addict. I found myself wanting a Snicker, so I quietly entered the kitchen. My son was on the computer about 2 feet away. I opened the freezer door, as if checking on the “frozenness” of our meat. All the while I had my ears cocked, listening for any movement toward the freezer, in which case, I would have had to terminate the mission. Hearing no signs of movement from the computer area I gently removed a Snicker mini from in between the chicken thighs and the garlic cheese bread. I stuck the Snicker mini in my shirt collar, quickly closed the freezer and walked out of the kitchen. Once out of the room, I poked my head back around the corner to make sure my son was still sitting at the computer. With the coast clear I began to un-wrap the paper. Opening just a little at a time, so as to minimize any tell-tell ripping sounds, I swiftly removed the frosty chocolate. One more peek around the corner and then I took a bite. Closing my eyes, I let out a small moan. UUUHHH. The caramel. The nuts. The ice cream. Pure ecstasy. Here I was crotched against the wall like some crack head trying to get that last hit without anyone seeing. All time low. But I will be honest and tell you that I still haven't told him about the other mini bars left in the freezer. Now instead of sneaking around the house like a crack head I just eat it out in the open and if he ever asks I've got my response ready: "Oh this. This is just a little Snickers snack size I got at work today. There aren't any more."

You Decide

Thanks to an unwelcome visit from “Old Man Winter” I’m stuck at my computer for lunch, surfing the net. More specifically visiting my much loved gossip blogs.
(NEWSBREAK: The “Old Man” must be really pissed about something because he’s really letting us have it. With the wind chill it’s like -30 degrees. WTH! Do you have any idea what that feels like? It’s like being locked in your own little hell. Only in this hell there are no pits of fire. In this hell, you’re locked in a freezer. This UBER freezer is so cold that you instantly start to freeze. You know how in movies (think Empire Strikes Back or Demolition Man) when they freeze someone with liquid nitrogen and they instantly turn to ice? Well, imagine that but it’s a much slower process and you’re conscious, feeling every second of your flesh turning to ice. The cold is alive and creeps into you. It starts on any exposed skin, freezing cells as it makes its way to its goal – your core. Its objective is to put that fire out! It wraps itself around your fingers and toes. Starting as a tickle and ending in a vise grip. You don’t want to admit it but panic starts to set in. You can feel the heat rising out of you, being sucked away with the wind. It is unnatural. I’m sure it was purely devilish influence that put it in my great-grands minds to bring up the kiddies in this freakin’ ice-box)
BACK TO THE SHOW: Thanks to one of my favorite sites (check it out sometimes: http://crunktastical.blogspot.com/) I got quite an eyeful while eating my spicy beef and broccoli. I’ve got 2 words for you: Britney Houston. Meet my new friend in my head.

WHO’S WORKIN’ IT?
Check out Britney Houston on youtube. She has several parodies of your favorite music videos. This (Janet Jackson’s “Feedback”) is my favorite though. She is working it!

Britney Houton

vs.
Janet Jackson

Advertising dollars at their best

Image: Me, sitting back, arms folded across my chest, shaking my head from side to side with the look. Don't act like you don't know the look. It's the same look that your mama gave you when you were doing something you had absolutely NO business getting into. You know, kinda of sideways cutting of the eyes with a little squint and arched eyebrow. You know the one!

That's all I could do when I saw the following clips. Now, don't get me wrong, I support and give praise to the entrepreneurship of my fellow citizens. I just wonder about the whole system of checks and balances. Now, when Jimmy came to his friend and pitched his idea for his one chance to advertise the merits of his business, why didn't said friend sit Jimmy down and tell him to reconsider the cell phone, ignorant man on the beach, the entire wig commercial? Why?


For real? Do you honestly think I'm going to hand over all my personal information, W-2, social security number, home address, etc to these three? I don't think so. (Note to Ginger: I know they have an office in Memphis, but Ginger do not run out and let Refus, Cletus and Rufus file your taxes!)


High top fade wig? Speechless.

FaLaLaLa - Let's Take a Trip Down Memory Lane

It's time to go back...back in time...to the time of banana clips, stone washed overalls, colossal bangs, Teen Beat, Guess Jeans, Giorgio Body Spray with the yellow cap, and Back To The Future. It's 1985. Adulthood is eons away. You're only care is which color KEDS you want to wear, which day you go to get your braces tightened and how you're gonna survive high school if you don't get to see Prince in concert (or in my case Lionel Richie). For those of you from Minneapolis it was the days of WLOL 99.5 FM with Hines and Berglund. And if you were listening to the airwaves closely that summer you would have heard this in between We Are the World and Shout (Tears of Fears):

(Music playing:"Get Me Up with the Music (the music on my mind). Get me up WLOL")

"This is Hines, Berglund and Roger getting you up. Hey, I have a chance for some lucky kids out there to possibly get to see themselves on TV. The Jets will be recording a music video this Friday. Show up early at Windom Elementary in south Minneapolis."

Well, Heather Locklear, Lisah and I were most definitely tuned in. We dressed in our most trendy gear and made our way to what we were sure would be instant fame. The Jets would surely have one look at our cute faces, hip clothes and sharp dance moves and invite us to tour with them. (Ahh, youth)

For those of you that aren't certified card carrying members of the 80's crew ("Ain't no stoppin' us, no stoppin'. No one does it better" - that's my song), you probably are not familiar with The Jets, so let me fill you in. The Jets were a family with 17 members. Their parents originally hailed from the island of Tonga in the South Pacific and settled in the Twin Cities to raise their family. The 8 oldest of the Wolgramm children, Eugene, Elizabeth, Haini, Moana, Eddie, Rudy, Kathi, and LeRoy, made up the band. Like most bands the story goes that they were playing weddings in the Land of Lakes, yada, yada, yada. They crashed onto the scene in 1985 with the dance hit “Curiosity”. Their appeal was in their perfectly styled leggings, long button up shirts, hair bows, cherub like faces, rhythmic beats, sweet lyrics and just the right hair height (thanks to those Tongan curls). This formula kept them on the charts through 1990 with hits like, Crush on You, Private Number, and Cross My Broken Heart.

OK, now flashback to 1985. Remember, you’re that teenager listening to the radio. You spent all day dancing to the same song over and over again in a hot gym. Then you go home to wait. Weeks later while taking a break from Atari you turn on Friday Night Videos just in time to hear them announce the World Premiere of The Jets “Curiosity”….
The Jets - curiosity

Add to My Profile More Videos

BONUS: About half way through the video, right around the time she sings “One thing that I learned…” have a look at the bottom of the screen. There is a cute, little brown girl in a dark pink shirt, white overall straps and her hair pulled back in a white barrette. She is doing her own little version of “The Carlton” long before Alfonso Ribeiro made the transformation from break dancer to TV nerd. That’s our favorite girl, Heather Locklear!

Tyler Perry's MEET THE BROWNS

As promised a couple weeks ago. Here is the trailer for Tyler Perry's new movie Meet the Browns. Enjoy. Looks like another good one. (How can it not be with Officer Troy!)

Addiction

They say the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. That would be assuming that I want a recover. I definitely have an addiction, that I can admit, but don't want or need help. This addiction won't lead to me sniffing any powdery substances, visiting any lewd and lascivious websites or making daily trips to the casino slot machines. My addiction is innocent enough. The biggest threat for me is running out of closet space - I'm getting close!

All that to say that I fed my addiction well this past weekend. The neurotransmitters were in over load. Let me explain. For Christmas, my mother purchased for me a gift certificate to a boutique she frequents on St. Paul's Grand Ave. According to Heather Locklear (sister), they had "mom's" kinda clothes (i.e. flowing, large print, and velveteen) and that I wouldn't like it. Well, I can't tell you how wrong she was.

Mom and I finally made our way to the shop on Saturday. It is a cozy little shop situated between a Bruegger's Bagel and a pet accessory store. The shop is long and narrow and painted in warm shades of browns and reds. Upon entering, we received a warm welcome from the owner, Tracy. Like with any addiction, I was immediately drawn to the focus of my obsession - THE PURSES! They are shelved throughout the shop and let me tell you, they are marvelous - coming in every hue and size! After spending countless minutes picking up the purses, trying them on my left and then right shoulder, running my fingers over the sometimes smooth, sometimes bumpy surface, zipping and unzipping, looking at myself in the mirror with them on, imagining which outfits or shoes they would go with, hhhhhuuuuhhhh...I moved onto the clothes. Tracy has beautiful pieces, that will suit every one's taste - from the young to the old. From trendy tops and stylish jeans to classic suits with a touch of pizazz. Prices range from $30 to over $200.

After wandering the shop and getting my fix from each and every purse, I finally decided on 2. The pictures below don't really do them justice, let me just say that they are beautiful. They're both patent - one is green with a tan undertone and the other is a maroon. I was like a child that wanted to wear their "new shoes" out of the store. I could barely wait to carry them. As difficult as it was I did wait until the following day to carry it. They're my two favorites - for now. That is until I start jones'n...

Thanks mom! It's nice to know that I can count on you to enable my addiction! Way to come through! Love you!

Here's the info:

Sorrayah Studios

794 Grand Ave St. Paul MN, 55105
651-228-0414
Web Site
http://www.sorrayahstudios.com/ (doesn't seem to be working)
Email
tjae@sorrayahstudios.com
Hours:
Sun
11am-5pm
Mon -Fri

10am-7pm
Sat
10am-6pm
Description:A unique shopping experience for women of all sizes (up to Size 24)! Featuring: apparel, handbags, accessories, shoes and gift items.

Love

While I am mostly a happy and upbeat person (one time someone told me I smile and laugh too much. UUUHHH yeah - insert confused look) I do have a serious side that peeks out every now and again.

Well, it's peeking out. Thoughts of love and what it means to love have been heavy on my mind the last few days. As humans we are on a constant quest to feel love. I am at a point in my life when my need for that feeling of love makes itself known every once and a while. Those are the times I think about the love I have given and the love that has been given to me. My views on love may have been shaped in part by my parents or even what I saw in society. But I can place a large portion of the blame on Lionel Richie. I know. I know. Your asking , "JJ, I thought Lionel was your main squeeze, your 'lover in your head'. I thought your were his biggest fan." I know it may seem confusing but it actually all makes sense. Let me explain.

Lionel came into my life back in 1983. I was pre-pubescent child of 12. Basically, the only child in my group of friends crushing on a man 22 years my senior-no peer pressure going on back then. Of course the physical attraction was there from the beginning but it was a little tough at 12 years of age to look at Lionel in a "you make me HOT and I wanna jump on you" sorta way. I mean, he's older then my parents. (It's a much different story now - "bones" could definitely get jumped now!) What really "got" me were the songs. At a time when I didn't really know what a romantic love was, I was in the front row of class with Mr. Romantic himself as professor. Everyday it was "Endless Love", "3 Times a Lady", "Still", "You Are", "Stuck on You", "Hello", "Truly"; it was a 24 hour love fest. Through his words Lionel taught me that "Love (could) Conquer All", that with love on your side there were no obstacles. His songs spoke to all the wonderful feelings that are associated with love without any mention of the work that will ensure the longevity of love. He taught me to be idealistic about love. He created a hopeless, romantic.

Fast forward to 2008. The 12 year old is now 36, she still listens to Lionel Richie and has loved and been loved. But the notion of love whispered through the earphones of her Sony Walkman in 1983 has always been just out of reach. A "Truly" kind of love does exist in the real world. What Lionel forgot to tell me and what I am just now learning is that that "Truly" kind of love takes a lot of work. There's been love in all of my relationships but just having that love hasn't been enough to feed and sustain those relationships.

I haven't given up on love, but slowly I'm learning that love is not all flowers, butterflies and fuzzy feelings. Love comes with trials and tribulations. And with communication, appreciation dedication, confidence and belief thrown in the pot, Lionel's romantic world can be attained.

Love on!

The Fall

This morning I averted another Monday Morning Fashion Snafu. Unfortunately, it was at a cost to my physical well-being. Let me explain. This morning I decided that since it was going to be a balmy 39 degrees that I would show some skin and wear a dress. I haven't worn a dress at all this winter because in my old age I cannot tolerate cold knees. The days of high-heels and mini's in 20 below and 2 feet of snow are LONG gone! So, this morning I decided on a cute little denim number, brown patterned tights and brown knee boots. (Looking cute - getting compliments, I must say)


When I came out of my drive way, I looked up and saw the bus headed down the hill toward my stop about 50 feet away. Not heeding the advice of Rena and Tim (my KARE-11 morning anchors/friends in my head) to take it slow on the icy roads and sidewalks, I tore off toward the bus stop. I made it exactly 3 steps before my high-heeled boots slipped out from under me. I felt myself flying through the air and heading face first to the sidewalk. I saw the ground coming up fast, so I reached out to brace myself. I landed on both my hands and left knee. I laid on the ground for a couple seconds, in disbelief that I was actually sprawled out almost kissing the concrete. "For real, did I just wipe out?" Being the fashionista that I am, my next thought wasn't about anything other then my tights. "Did I rip my tights?" First things first, I immediately jumped up and checked my knee. No rips. My tights were fully intact. Next I did a quick physical check and there seemed to be no missing teeth, no open wounds and no broken bones. I continued my run for the bus, albeit at a much slower, more gingerly stepped pace. I made it to the bus stop in one piece and once on the bus completed a more thorough examination of my body.

I walked away with 2 badly bruised and swollen palms and a sore knee. Hopefully no one was out with a video camera! You be sure to let me know if you see my fall on YouTube!

PCH

About a year ago, I (like so many little old ladies before me and many more to come) got sucked into the Publisher's Clearing House (PCH) blackhole. I have tried on MANY occasions to free myself from it's hold. But the promise of the 10 million dollar jackpot or 5 thousand dollars a week for life, just keeps reeling me back in.

Everyday, sometimes twice a day, I get an e-mail from PCH alerting me that my eligibility for prize money is in jeopardy or that I need to authorize the release of prize money by visiting their website. Once I log into the site and before I can get to the authorization page I am forced to view pages of goods that PCH thinks I and my little old lady friends couldn't possibly live without. Mostly it's things like "Mini Collectible Hummingbird Teapot Set" or "Grandma's Rules plaque" and don't forget the magazine subscriptions. And of course, there is the "no purchase necessary" to win statement in small letters at the bottom of the page - I think it stems from a little trouble PCH may have gotten into years ago when grandmas were spending their life savings trying to win 10 million dollars.

Most days I quickly scroll through these wonderful items so that I can ensure that the Prize Patrol will pull up in front of 5635 with a KARE 11 camera crew (they actually list all the local stations that they will contact when they visit), flowers and balloons and tell me I'm RICH! My response (they also send a script of what you should say, in case you're at a loss for words at such an exciting time) will be " I just won $5,OOO.OO A Week For Life from Publishers Clearing House! Now I know it's real!" (Smile big for the cameras) But I digress...

Every once in a while an item comes along that catches my eye. These aren't items that I necessarily want to buy, mostly I am amused that some little old blue haired grandma may be purchasing these items for themselves or loved ones. I thought I would share a few of these with you. Enjoy!

Color Changing Cross Light

4 Easy Payments of $2.99

Changes from red to green to blue to purple!
This lovely cross illuminates in the dark! It's an inspirational display perfect for any room in your house!

Slender Massager

4 Easy Payments of $2.99

Strong motor for excellent sensation!

Erotic Seduction DVD

4 Easy Payments of $3.99

Achieve new heights of sexual pleasure with your lover and learn the tender subtleties of erotic seduction. Learn to strip , engage in spontaneous sex - indoors and out - discover all kinds of new ways to seduce your lover.

He's Back!

NEW Tyler Perry Movie (with Angela Bassett, Rick Fox and Madea - and is that Officer Troy in the background??? YUMMY!)

I know some of you don't appreciate Tyler Perry as a playwright, director and actor, but I enjoy his work. His new movie is scheduled for release March 2008. Check back for the trailer.

Here's a synopsis:
Madea is back in "Tyler Perry's Meet The Browns." - In "Meet The Browns," Brenda, a single mother living in inner city Chicago, has been struggling for years to make ends meet and keep her three kids off the street. But when she's laid off with no warning, she starts losing hope for the first time - until a letter arrives announcing the death of a father she's never met. Desperate for any kind of help, Brenda takes her family to Georgia for the funeral. But nothing could have prepared her for the Browns, her father's fun-loving, crass Southern clan. In a small-town world full of long afternoons and country fairs, Brenda struggles to get to know the family she never knew existed...and finds a brand new romance that just might change her life. The story is adapted by Tyler Perry from his stage play "Meet the Browns."

Whatchu Talkin' 'Bout Willis...

Now here's a gift for the person that has everything or as he puts it "perfect for any child who loves gary" (Aaron, watch out cause I just might get these for you and put them away for Xmas '08). I guess times aren't so good for our little (literally) child star from the 80's. I guess it was true what they said about his parents stealing all his money. A brothers got to resort to selling his GAP Kids pants. What is this world coming to?

I almost want to put in a bid for the pants, so Gary can purchase some much needed lotion - please take a look at the ash on this brother's hands! The bid is up to $63 and you only have 4 days left so get in there while the gettin's good! Good Luck!

http://cgi.ebay.com/Gary-Colemans-Gap-Athletic-Pants-SIGNED_W0QQcmdZViewItemQQcategoryZ152502QQihZ008QQitemZ180200740749QQrdZ1?

Observations

...BRRRRRRRRRRR...The forecast for today is 8 with a wind chill in the NEGATIVE double digits. In other words COLD AS HELL! (I know it's an oxymoron, but yall get my drift) Why did a gentleman get on the bus this morning in a t-shirt. A DAMN t-shirt, nothing else. So, I'm thinking, OK maybe you missed the news this morning, didn't get a chance to see the weather report. But no, it's Minnesota, it's January, therefore, it's COLD. And when you walked outta the house, did you not feel the ARTIC air blowing down from the POLAR caps of the North Pole stinging your skin like little daggers? So, maybe you live right next to the bus stop and only have to run downstairs and out the door to get your bus. But what if the bus is late? When you lose a finger or in this case an arm it'll be too late to wear a jacket!

...Weaves, wigs, clip-ons, whatever. I have no problem with any of it - I got friends and family that rock the shit outta some fake hair. What I do have a problem with is what I witnessed the other day. A young woman came in to my part-time job (at a children's retailer). She had on a wig - no problem there. I looked down to the child she was with and I know she saw my jaw drop to the floor. Holding her hand was a child of about 2. Cute little chocolate girl. Why did this beautiful, black baby have BLONDE, yes I said BLONDE weave braided into her hair. Not braids, that would have been bad enough, but weave. BLONDE weave on a 2 year old! There was about a half inch of braid and then blonde hair flowing down this baby's back! To make it even worse the weave was not combed and was all ratty, matted, and fuzzy! PEOPLE WAKE UP!

(Similar to this. Added 2/7/08)

Neighbors

HELP. I need advice. I fear that the likelihood of me catching a case (for those of you that don't know, that means doing something rash that in all probability will land me in JAIL/COURT) increases by the day if I don't get some help. As you may know I live on the ground floor of an apartment building. I have lived there for the last couple of years. I like my place and my building. A majority of the building's residents are people of the older persuasion, so it makes for a quiet existence. Well, it used to be a quiet existence.

About 3 weeks ago I noticed that the elderly couple that live above me were walking around with a much heavier foot than normal. I brushed it off as maybe guests that just weren't aware that I was downstairs. Well, who I came to name HEAVY FOOT did not go away after a few days. Their visit didn't seem to be ending. It was about that time that I realized that the dear elderly couple - the couple that I NEVER heard walk, talk, laugh, nothing - had moved away. They have been replaced by the newly named HEAVY ASS WALKER (HAW)!

HAW has become the bane of my existence over the last few weeks. When I mentioned my dilemma to some friends and family, their response was, "You're not used to it. Give it some time and you won't even notice it after a few days". UUUHH NO! I obviously have done a piss poor job of relaying the HEAVINESS of foot that HAW has been inflicting upon their floor/my ceiling!! This unseen being - for surely they are not human given the amount of force exerted with each step (see picture above) - does not merely walk around. They stomp. Each step generates the amount of force equivalent to a MAC truck slamming into a brick building at 70 MPH. And not only does this person stomp around but they never seem to stop walking around, no matter the hour. Maybe I am a little more sedentary than the average person but damn, sit down every once in a while, watch some TV, read a book. It's constant pounding, like some kinda WWII Japanese torture.

So, here in lies my problem. I would like to approach HAW and share with him/her/it my discontent with their lead feet. I would like to avoid any conflict but just wanted them to be aware that I am below them. If I allow this to go on much further I fear that I will meet them when they land in my lap after crashing through my ceiling or when I bust through their door wielding some instrument sharp enough to cut off lead feet! Any advice?

HAPPY NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR to yall!

Let's MAKE IT GREAT in 2008!!!