Who knew that 2 boobs would cause so much ruckus!!! We ALL have them ladies!
While, normally I would leave the picture up, my grandmother has gotten in the mix and her exact words were:
Subject: I WANT YOU IN A TURTLENECK
This is your Grandmama and I want you in a turtleneck sweater in this [what the h--- is a blog anyway???] And a coat buttoned up to your neck----
got that granddaughter and oh yes I will be checking this blog mess
Love ya
Thursday, December 27, 2007
The Commute...
As many of you know I have an aversion to driving. So, mornings for me do not involve frustration from traffic jams or incompetent drivers. Most mornings my commute is relaxing. It gives me the opportunity to catch up on my reading, listen to the radio or get in a quick nap. That describes a majority of my mornings. Then there are those mornings that leave me wondering if "going green" is really the way to go when it leaves me seeing red. Now, I will admit that given the time of month I AM extremely sensitive to things that might not normally set me off.
That said, this morning's commute was NOT relaxing. I had every intention of taking a 45 minute nap. I knew as soon as I stepped on the bus that the universe had been thrown off kilter by some malevolent force and that I would NOT be getting my nap. Why was my favorite seat - second row of seats on either left of right hand side (on most buses there is a heater under the left hand seat) - taken? Not only were most of the seats taken, but they were all taken because people that were traveling together decided that each of them needed their own seats rather then seating all together? Obviously, we had some amateur bus riders that did not know the rules of the bus or maybe they were just inconsiderate! OK, I can deal with it I told myself and took the drafty seat right in front of back door. It was upon sitting down that I discovered that the woman sitting in front me - did I mention that when I walked back to take my seat that she had one of her boots off and was picking at her bare feet! (stew on that visual for a minute) - had a peculiar odor. It wasn't quite STANK but it was just unpleasant. I was then grateful for my seat choice because I could simply turn my head toward the window and the frigid winter breeze blowing in from the back door provided me with relief in the form of FRESH air.
So, I sit back and try to relax. But unbeknowst to me, the bus demon is not done with me just yet.
A few blocks later, I am minding my business, trying to concentrate on bringing harmony back to the universe and exorcise the bus demon. My concentration was so great that I was not able to give the evil eye to those people getting on the bus - this sometimes sways them from sitting next to me. Before I knew it a gentleman was preparing to take the seat next to me. As he swung his body around I tried to catch his eye and maybe mean-mug him into changing seats. But it was too late. I watched in horror as he positioned his rather LARGE frame into the seat. Now, here's my dilemma. If it would have been a woman about my size, the rest of my ride may have been rather peaceful. No, not so lucky. This gentleman was obviously some farm feed freak of nature. He was about 6'5" and 220 pounds. He was not a fat man just BIG. So, where does that put me?
Here I am JAMMED into the inside seat! The immensity of his body is completely blocking me in. I feel like a toddler sitting next to an adult. Not only is he blocking out all sound, light and air but my left shoulder and arm are wedged behind his body. I try to shift my body to a more comfortable position but there is no escape. I look around and the all the seats are full. There's no where to go. I take a few deep breathes and try to relax myself but the knot in my stomach is just getting bigger! The winter air blowing on the side of my head isn't even helping. I quickly tell myself that as long as he gets off downtown maybe I can make it. That's about the time that I notice that not only am I losing the feeling in my shoulder and arm but I can feel each and every breath he takes. EEEEEWWWW!!!! Now, in a different situation it might be OKIE DOKE to feel the weight of a man and feel him breathing but let me tell you this AIN'T IT! Oh my goodness, I think I'm going to completely lose it when he pulls out a book and commences to read. He's getting comfortable; he's not getting off!!! My heart starts to race. My pulse pounds through my body. My eyes dart back and forth looking for an escape. Somehow, I make it downtown but he hasn't closed the book or made any indication that he's getting off.
Up ahead I see a seat open up. I gather my bags in my hand and make like I'm getting off the bus. Salvation is only a seat away! To my utter JOY he gets up and moves to the empty seat I was eyeing. I am no longer drowning. I take HUGE gulps of air and try to steady my pulse. The rest of my ride is spent trying to balance my yin with my yang. WOOOOO-SAAAAA!
So, hopefully, I have been punished enough for whatever transgression I may have made against the bus spirits and my ride home will be peaceful. I hoping for that nap. Wish me luck!
That said, this morning's commute was NOT relaxing. I had every intention of taking a 45 minute nap. I knew as soon as I stepped on the bus that the universe had been thrown off kilter by some malevolent force and that I would NOT be getting my nap. Why was my favorite seat - second row of seats on either left of right hand side (on most buses there is a heater under the left hand seat) - taken? Not only were most of the seats taken, but they were all taken because people that were traveling together decided that each of them needed their own seats rather then seating all together? Obviously, we had some amateur bus riders that did not know the rules of the bus or maybe they were just inconsiderate! OK, I can deal with it I told myself and took the drafty seat right in front of back door. It was upon sitting down that I discovered that the woman sitting in front me - did I mention that when I walked back to take my seat that she had one of her boots off and was picking at her bare feet! (stew on that visual for a minute) - had a peculiar odor. It wasn't quite STANK but it was just unpleasant. I was then grateful for my seat choice because I could simply turn my head toward the window and the frigid winter breeze blowing in from the back door provided me with relief in the form of FRESH air.
So, I sit back and try to relax. But unbeknowst to me, the bus demon is not done with me just yet.
A few blocks later, I am minding my business, trying to concentrate on bringing harmony back to the universe and exorcise the bus demon. My concentration was so great that I was not able to give the evil eye to those people getting on the bus - this sometimes sways them from sitting next to me. Before I knew it a gentleman was preparing to take the seat next to me. As he swung his body around I tried to catch his eye and maybe mean-mug him into changing seats. But it was too late. I watched in horror as he positioned his rather LARGE frame into the seat. Now, here's my dilemma. If it would have been a woman about my size, the rest of my ride may have been rather peaceful. No, not so lucky. This gentleman was obviously some farm feed freak of nature. He was about 6'5" and 220 pounds. He was not a fat man just BIG. So, where does that put me?
Here I am JAMMED into the inside seat! The immensity of his body is completely blocking me in. I feel like a toddler sitting next to an adult. Not only is he blocking out all sound, light and air but my left shoulder and arm are wedged behind his body. I try to shift my body to a more comfortable position but there is no escape. I look around and the all the seats are full. There's no where to go. I take a few deep breathes and try to relax myself but the knot in my stomach is just getting bigger! The winter air blowing on the side of my head isn't even helping. I quickly tell myself that as long as he gets off downtown maybe I can make it. That's about the time that I notice that not only am I losing the feeling in my shoulder and arm but I can feel each and every breath he takes. EEEEEWWWW!!!! Now, in a different situation it might be OKIE DOKE to feel the weight of a man and feel him breathing but let me tell you this AIN'T IT! Oh my goodness, I think I'm going to completely lose it when he pulls out a book and commences to read. He's getting comfortable; he's not getting off!!! My heart starts to race. My pulse pounds through my body. My eyes dart back and forth looking for an escape. Somehow, I make it downtown but he hasn't closed the book or made any indication that he's getting off.
Up ahead I see a seat open up. I gather my bags in my hand and make like I'm getting off the bus. Salvation is only a seat away! To my utter JOY he gets up and moves to the empty seat I was eyeing. I am no longer drowning. I take HUGE gulps of air and try to steady my pulse. The rest of my ride is spent trying to balance my yin with my yang. WOOOOO-SAAAAA!
So, hopefully, I have been punished enough for whatever transgression I may have made against the bus spirits and my ride home will be peaceful. I hoping for that nap. Wish me luck!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Picturegate
Sisters. That's all I have to say. For those of you with sisters, all you have to do is shake your head in agreement. My sister (you gotta love her) has shared with me that the picture I chose for my the front page of my blog is indecent. Her exact words escape me but they were something along the lines of , "Why the HELL did you pick that picture. You are so HOOCHIE. All you see when you look at the picture is BOOBS!" It's funny because when I uploaded the picture I KNEW that she was going to say something. I think that's part of the reason that I chose that picture. It's always nice to get a rise out of Heather Locklear. She is always such a positive spirit full of words of encouragement. Well, for now the BOOBY picture stays. Jowell will just have close her eyes!
Christmas 2007 has come and gone without a hitch. I have to admit that I had a WONDERFUL holiday. I really do enjoy my family. I am so blessed to have a loving family on both sides (mom and dad). We had a blast. From all watching and dancing through FREEDOM WRITERS, to my new little cousin with the best name, to a certain aged relative drinking us all under the table! And did I mention that while laughing at said relative I throw my head back I cracked it on a bookcase. It is STILL sore.
Now let me take you back...Summer 1996! Think back, what were yall doin? My 5 year relationship with a certain security guard was coming to an end, Aaron was 5 going on 15, and I was months away from meeting my ace boon-coon (she knows who she is!)!
REMEMBER this (not you Ginger!)? This was my jam - Summer 1996!
Christmas 2007 has come and gone without a hitch. I have to admit that I had a WONDERFUL holiday. I really do enjoy my family. I am so blessed to have a loving family on both sides (mom and dad). We had a blast. From all watching and dancing through FREEDOM WRITERS, to my new little cousin with the best name, to a certain aged relative drinking us all under the table! And did I mention that while laughing at said relative I throw my head back I cracked it on a bookcase. It is STILL sore.
Now let me take you back...Summer 1996! Think back, what were yall doin? My 5 year relationship with a certain security guard was coming to an end, Aaron was 5 going on 15, and I was months away from meeting my ace boon-coon (she knows who she is!)!
REMEMBER this (not you Ginger!)? This was my jam - Summer 1996!
(sorry video quality isn't so great!)
or this
Enjoy!!!
or this
Enjoy!!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Boots
So, today's entry is not bemoaning my fashion mishaps or grimy hair. Today I thought I would share with you my latest acquisition. I know it's Christmas and I should be buying for others but I might as well get exactly what I want. So, a little background first. I saw a lady with some incredibly funky boots a few weeks ago at the Mall. She was too far away to ask where she got them, so I simply tucked it away in my FASHION WANT Rolodex. Well, last night I ran into Heartbreaker to check on shoes (if you've never been, make sure you check them out sometime - cute usually inexpensive shoes) and low and behold there are the boots!!!! I quick stepped it over, scared and reluctant to look at the price!!!! Well, imagine my joy (pure and unadulterated, mind you!) when I looked upon the sticker and saw theat the boots were $32! I swear I heard harps playing and saw light shining from the rafters! Anyways, so then it was just trying to figure out which color. There was black, brown, silver, and pewter. Well, after much deliberation, I finally decided that I might as well go BIG! I got the pewter ones (see picture above). One boot says LOVE and the other say HATE. But no worries cause I may just be visiting the store after the holidays and seeing if I can get another color!!!!
One more thing, for all you parents out there. Jowell says that "kids(most specifically TEENS) are God's way of testing your sanity. If you don't kill them then you've passed the test and you're sane." Just thought I'd plug that in there cause Aaron has brought me to the brink a couple times this week. But thankfully, I had mind enough to not kill him and besides I kinda like having him around (who would protect my from the zombies and vampires)!
Oh, and least I forget. Why did my co-worker find a mouse dropping on her desk the other day!? EEEEWWWWWW!!! Puts thoughts into your head about the little critters running around our desks at night, nibbling on crumbs, urinating on our papers. GROSS!
Talk to you next year, unless of course something happens that I just HAVE to share!
Have a HAPPY HOLIDAY and spend MORE time (then money) with loved ones celebrating the REASON for the SEASON!!! Love yall!!
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Dirty Hair
So, it's time to wash my hair. It's getting to the point where I have to wear light colored clothes to work or risk looking like the first 3 seconds of a Head and Shoulders commercial. You know before they use the shampoo and their shoulders and back look like a hill after a snowfall. And forget about curling it with a curling iron cause all that does is makes it funky! Anyways, so this morning as I was trying to comb my hair without bringing too many flakes to the surface, I was trying to figure out how long it's been since my hair and shampoo have rendezvoused upon my head. So I start counting back and do you know what I came up with????
(DRUM ROLL)
November 24th!!!! LOL!
Yes, it's been almost one month since I last washed my hair. I know what yall are thinking. EEWWWWWW. But I know many of you can relate. It's such a chore. In fact I am tempted to make a hair appointment just to have someone else wash it.
Thanks for listening again!
(DRUM ROLL)
November 24th!!!! LOL!
Yes, it's been almost one month since I last washed my hair. I know what yall are thinking. EEWWWWWW. But I know many of you can relate. It's such a chore. In fact I am tempted to make a hair appointment just to have someone else wash it.
Thanks for listening again!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Cords
It's Monday again and that means yet another clothing sna-fu. No more holes in the pits but just had to share what I discovered in my Monday morning staff meeting (yes, the SAME meeting I discovered the pit holes last week).
So, I'm sitting in the meeting trying HARD to stay awake. I was pushed out a little from the table cause I was pinching the inside of my leg to jolt me awake (this works for all of 3 seconds-only long enough for the pain from the pinch to shoot a little bit of adrenaline through your system). Anyways, I look down and discover...that my FAT ASS thighs have completely rubbed away the "cord" on my corduroys. Yes, between my thighs there is NO more cord left, no "swish-swish" will be emitting from my thighs as I walk, only smooth fabric. After a few more wears I suppose I'm gonna look down and see skin!
Talk to you soon!! ;) Signed, THUNDER THIGHS JONES!
So, I'm sitting in the meeting trying HARD to stay awake. I was pushed out a little from the table cause I was pinching the inside of my leg to jolt me awake (this works for all of 3 seconds-only long enough for the pain from the pinch to shoot a little bit of adrenaline through your system). Anyways, I look down and discover...that my FAT ASS thighs have completely rubbed away the "cord" on my corduroys. Yes, between my thighs there is NO more cord left, no "swish-swish" will be emitting from my thighs as I walk, only smooth fabric. After a few more wears I suppose I'm gonna look down and see skin!
Talk to you soon!! ;) Signed, THUNDER THIGHS JONES!
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Black Angel
My frustration. In the last 4 days I have visited several retail establishments looking for an African American tree topper. I did see a very nice black angel tree topper at one of those stores (Michaels), but she was much too large for my tree. None of the others (Target, K-Mart, Walgreens, JoAnns, Marshalls) had black ornaments, tree toppers, etc. When walking down those aisles all I see is rosy cheeked white Santa's or blonde haired, blue eyed angels staring back at me. When employees were asked about this they always seemed shocked and surprised that I was looking for a tree decoration that looked like me! All looking at me as if to say "What's wrong with the Santa's we have, you know Santa's white don't you!" (I will give some points to Marshalls. They did have a selection of black angels, but they were table decorations)
So, all that to say 40 friendship points to anyone that can tell me where I can get a 4" African American topper either a Santa or an Angel.
So, all that to say 40 friendship points to anyone that can tell me where I can get a 4" African American topper either a Santa or an Angel.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Pits
So, I got on a cute little outfit. I'm matching, looking cute, getting ALL kinds of compliments!! I'm really working it. Strutting around here like my shit don't stank - at least not today while I got this outfit on! WORK IT! WORK IT!
Anyways, so like 2 hours into my day, I'm sitting in a meeting and happen to cross my arms over my chest. My fingers ended up in my armpit. My fingers seemed to be not touching my cute little sweater jacket but instead the shirt underneath. "What the..." So, my fingers start probing around and sho' nuff, I got a BIG ASS hole in my arm pit!
Don't ask me what went on in the meeting cause I spent the hour trying to figure out if you can see the hole from behind or how I can make it through the day without lifting my arms. And to top it off I get back to my desk and upon further investigation I find a hole in the other pit too!!!
So, now before I get up from my desk I gotta make sure my sweater is strategically secured under my pits and then I can't move my arms when I walk. They are cemented to my sides! Just imagine my strut now! AIN'T ONE!
Guess that took me down about 2 pegs. Like "the Niece" always says "don't get big!". Sound advice!
Anyways, so like 2 hours into my day, I'm sitting in a meeting and happen to cross my arms over my chest. My fingers ended up in my armpit. My fingers seemed to be not touching my cute little sweater jacket but instead the shirt underneath. "What the..." So, my fingers start probing around and sho' nuff, I got a BIG ASS hole in my arm pit!
Don't ask me what went on in the meeting cause I spent the hour trying to figure out if you can see the hole from behind or how I can make it through the day without lifting my arms. And to top it off I get back to my desk and upon further investigation I find a hole in the other pit too!!!
So, now before I get up from my desk I gotta make sure my sweater is strategically secured under my pits and then I can't move my arms when I walk. They are cemented to my sides! Just imagine my strut now! AIN'T ONE!
Guess that took me down about 2 pegs. Like "the Niece" always says "don't get big!". Sound advice!
(One of the holes)
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